Worst Pain Ever Today – I am almost done

 

I am almost fucking done; I have been in so much pain today I just want to go to sleep. I have been awake around 18 hours now, I had 10mg of Morphine, took most of the pain away but not enough to knock me out.

My spine, my ribs, my hip especially where I put the arrow, my hamstring is BURNING and I feel sick, have done all day. I am really at the stage where I just want knocked out for a few days, a mate was just down visiting he seen the pain I was in, I asked him to hit me in the back of the head with a baseball bat, he laughed I never, this is fucking outrageous, unfair and for anyone scamming the Government with pretend pain, I hope you all get caught, sorry, just the mood I am in

I am barking at people, (Nobody in my house) I lay in bed WASTED on Morphine re-watching World War Z, finished watching it and done the blog below then took more Morphine that will kick in roughly 5 minutes from now. I feel every bone in my body is like it is twisted or on fire, my right hip and entire left knee are in total spasm, and the pain is DESTROYING ME

It is my Daughter’s birthday in a few days and I just know I am going to have to wear the pain mask all day again, I appreciate people when they say “I pray for you” but right now, I know, you know and everyone knows praying WILL NOT take my pain away. This is pain typing here; this is medication kicking in typing here. If you are offended I am sorry, but all the prayer on EARTH will do nothing for me right this very second. I am not blaming God, I am saying “Praying for this moment to pass is a waste of time” It is getting worse. I can’t go to the hospital  as they will do nothing, all the medication they have to give me, I have in my cabinet on my Kitchen wall above my sink.

I can’t and won’t take this pain any more; I am in a very selfish place right now

Been here before, and I don’t like it. In-fact been here almost 15 years, I don’t like me when I am like this, I snap at people, never Dawn for the kids. And no matter where I sit, lay down, hang from, bath, shower, even drive fast at 150mph, the pain stays. I am near the end of a rope here. I truly am, the dark cloud has arrived, there are no answers, there is no help, no medication will help, I can”t fall asleep, I am wasting away going from chair to chair, from room to room. I can’e keep doing this, I would love 1 minute with a man who said I faked my pain about 18 months ago, just 1 minute. I know, you know this isn’t me speaking, this is all out pain, depression and suffering typing. it took me a while as I can hardly see the screen as I am seeing double with being tired, I just can’t sleep, I tried, I can’t take a sleeping tablet when I have had Morphine

If I was a horse I would have been shot in the head already

FUCK!

Then what

I could take a life (I am not being serious)

Fucking hell!!