To parents who have lost a child, I send my love, my heart

Dean (21) on the left, with his Brother Ryan (19)

I didn’t sleep too well last night due to physical pain, so I sat and read some blogs; I got followed by http://grannyscolorful.wordpress.com/ who lost her son Tommy way too early

I then got linked into more Mothers, I sat crying, reading story after story, loss after loss, knowing I could not help, knowing my heavy heart was just that, a heavy heart.  The picture above is my two sons Dean (21) and Ryan (19) I was a Father at 18, I am just turned 40 years old, and I also have two Daughters Courtney (4) and Chloe (3)

My son Dean suffers from Seizueres, last November he lay Dead in the Dr’s room, his Heart stopped by a seizure, he lived, for that moment, 2 minutes till the Ambulance men came, my worst fears were there, my oldest boy had gone, thoughts of “How do I tell Dawn” his Mum were coming to my mind. He has had 4 now, he takes Epilim now, but every times the phone rings and he is out, my heart skips a beat, t his had hapened before, this was the first time I had been there to share his pain, and I am glad I was

I am wiping tears away from my eyes still for all you parents who lost, who’s kids never made it back, if I had just one wish, truly, you know what I would wish for, being selfish has never been my way, helping with words and caring and trying have, I am sorry for you all, I will be your friend if you allow me, a person who may be able to make you smile, or a person you can cry to and with, this is what I do, this is my calling in life, I feel I must, It just feels right

My soul is empty from reading the loss, my heart is heavy from feeling the pain, my eyes are blurry for  wanting to help, my mind is gone and I am struggling for words, but I must, each of you lost and I hurt, when I came to Word Press I had been here a few months and I read Tersia @ http://tersiaburger.com/  about Vic, I read it with my Partner Dawn we both cuddled and cried because we care

I am sending you all love if you read this, I need to let you know I care, but my words may not help, but after reading I had to achnowledge, I had to let you know I can be a friend when you need one, here are my two Daughter who light up my day when the pain and darkness come, my princess’s

Courtney (4) and Chloe (3)

More love

Less hate

Shaun x 

I say this is at the end of many of my blogs because the more love we share, the better our world is, I believe so

 

Mother hears 8 year old son’s voice for the first time ever – I cried (2 MINUTE VIDEO, PLEASE WATCH)

2 minute video

 

This was posted to me by my 21 year old son, who came  through to the main room and he watched it with me, an we both cried, me and my son. Watching this should be a reminder to us all of things that are truly important. This is just outrageous and amazing. Some in the USA may know this story, if not, know what love is, give it a watch x

What the kid says at the end of this 2 minute video got me, got me good

 

More Love, Less Hate

Shaun x

 

Hey World, I cry a lot

 

In a world where the Man is supposed to be the strong provider, the warrior, the bread winner, you know where I am going here, you know “Man the Warrior” I am that man, same as many, I protect when things need protected, but sometimes I cry for no reason, or because of my kids or a song, I just cry, and in Scotland, you have to hide it, you “MUST” be strong, so I say “Fuck off” to that unwritten law, I don’t care what people think. Everyone knows not to annoy me, so I have this “Can’t show weakness bullshit” I need to carry and I am sick of it, so here, I am telling the world tonight, I cry

I just watched the video below, in-fact I watched both videos I done for my Daughters and I was in BITS, blowing my nose, snot flying everywhere, hoping someone wouldn’t walk into the room

One day not long ago I used to wonder what was wrong with me, was I all right in the head, but as you grow older you realise you are just a person who is realising the world around him. Having two Daughters I think pushed me over the edge in terms of crying. If I have been in bed all day due to pain, I will get up and go kiss them goodnight, then cry hard because it was another day missed. When I don’t see my sons for day on end due to my pain, I cry

My Dad who fosters kids now, he is my “Phone call” and God bless him he puts up with his Son crying like a child, but to his credit he is my best pal also and he told me just the other day “Crying means you realise what is important, I did it for a while” and at that point I kind of realised what he meant. My Dad was a nasty bastard, but not now, he tells me the story of the day he “Found himself” literally found himself and he cried for a year or two, because everything he had was gone, wife the lot. But like me he is strong through the tears and he built a new life with new ways

I am crying now, I was standing as Dawn was putting Chloe’s Birthday presents out and I just walking into the kitchen and cried, I know I am not weak, far from it. See these tears tell me I would die for them all, the 5 people in my home, my Mum, my brothers and sisters. I care; this is where the tears come from. I was told once they were guilt tears, but I don’t carry guilt.

So if you need to cry, let it out, there is nothing wrong with crying

More love, less hate

Shaun

The song below is a song that makes my Dad cry all the time, and the more I hear it,  I cry also, them big Shaun eyes get started

 

A video of kindness that made me Cry

I know someone posted this before, but this video gets me every time. The kindness and love shown by the dog SHOULD teach us all a lesson in Humility and Humanity and how to love and care and show affection. A little boy who has Down syndrome and a Dog who is showing what caring and Love is all about… Man, this gets me crying every time.. As it says, God doesn’t make mistakes x

Thank you to Andrea MYSPOKENHEART as she posted something similar on another social network site that made this pop up.. It is something. You all know I cry like a baby at these things, and I am right now. That is how the world should be, how we should all feel.. x

 

How do you deal with pain? Any pain

This is a question for Word Press, I don’t mean physical pain like my Chronic Pain, I mean pain in ANY form, in any way we can be in pain, through illness, Depression, losing a loved one, just life in general getting you down, how do you come with that daily pain, any human suffering, lets help someone, each other if need be. x x

For me my pain is both Physical and mental, dealing with it is different every day. Some days I manage, some days I put myself into my own personal Shaun bubble and ignore the world, sit at the PC/Laptop, headset on and Listen to music and write blogs, and go on any of the hundreds of sites I visit and just try and focus the pain away

For many others pain can be real also without physical pain, depression, losing a loved one, whatever way life can hurt us, how do we cope? Sadly many don’t, sadly some give in to this pain they can’t take. I have been close myself a few times. Me personally I get into a state of mind where I think “I can’t take this one more day” then I realise this is the easy way out

So how do you cope? Is there an answer to this question? Do we all deal in different ways, I told you how I deal, I just do, and some days I hide myself away and ignore it best I can. Some days the mental pain can be worse, guilt and other emotions.

I know this question may be impossible to answer for some, but, Word Press, I know you can answer, and you, maybe, just maybe, we may be helping someone who is suffering some kind of pain with our answers.

I came here several months ago with this thinking “I will reach out and hope people reach back” And WOW people reached back. So please, reach back here, please, we may help someone, we may help ourselves, if we help one person understand pain or how to deal with it in ANY way pain comes, then it was worth the reply. Just pain or suffering, how do you cope, I hope you can take a second to answer x

Thank you Word Press

More Love, Less Hate

I also ask YOU ALL to accept this Award.  No strings attached. You are an extension to my family, just people I may not meet. So please, if you reply to this, I would be honoured if you accept the award. With the reasons given in red. You can accept and give to 10 others or not. The rules are in the link below. I made this award a few months back.

 

http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/2013/04/21/the-wordpress-family-award/

 

This is an award for everyone who is part of the “Word Press Family” I start this award on the basis that the WordPress family has taken me in, and showed me love and a caring side only WordPress can. The way people take a second to be nice, to answer a question and not make things a competition amazes me here. I know I have been given many awards, but I wanted to leave my own legacy on here by creating my own award, as many have done before. This represents “Family” we never meet, but are there for us as family. It is my honour to start this award. Thank you, Shaun @ http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/

I CHANGE MY BLOG THEME AND NOTHING!!!

I DO NOT LIKE FISHING

 

So I change my blog, I worry about it and NOTHING!!!

What have I done?

Have I broken my Word Press?

Be honest people…..

..Let me down gently

THE COMMENT BOTTON IS AT THE BOTTOM RIGHT OF EACH BLOG IT IS THE SIZE OF 1 HUNDEDS AND THOUSANDS.

One of these here

I ONLY DID IT ON WOMAS LIPS TO SHOW THE SIZE OF MY COMMENT BOX IT IS THE SIZE OF ONE OF THEM

 

See I bring it on myself, I tinker with things and THIS!! Complete Word Press shittyness. I had to post a picture about fishing and some woman’s lips (Although if they are man lips they are fucked up lips) to show you where the comment section is. You would think Word Press in their wisdom would create a Comment section bigger than 1 hundreds and thousands sweet. I mean come on, what is wrong with people. All I ask is for a “New Blog Theme” and I now have to go to all this trouble to explain HOW TO COMMENT TO ME!!! If it was me, I would have to call you on the phone and say “Dude where is the Comment section” or “Dudette where do I comment”, you know, to ask, as the button is nearly invisible and I can’t change back now, if I change now I will just come all over stupid and acting like some worked up fool who has over thought the change of his or her (In my blog his) Word Press theme. I am neither satisfied nor happy about this. I will be writing a stern letter to Mr W. Press at the next available slot in my busy life. I am upset and could do with cake right now. So I will just stare at that woman’s lips till I feel full.

You have not all heard the end of this matter.

I changed my blog style, nearly killed me it did

THE WOMAN IN THE PICTURE IS NOT ME. OK THEN!

 

Well nobody likes change ok!!

I spent almost an HOUR picking this new improved (I hope) Theme for my Word Press blog theme. I have no issues with changing avatars on sites or my picture on any site. But for some reasons changing the blog style, the set up on my blog page, changing it was like deciding what car to buy

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

Anyway, I have changed it; I probably won’t sleep now until someone says something about my new “Blog Look” I really found this hard. Like picked a toy for my Daughters, THIS WAS THE DILEMA I WAS LEFT WITH!! THIS IS NOT NORMAL HUMAN ACTIONS NOR IS IT NORMAL HUMAN FUNCTIONING. THIS IS THE ACTS AND THOUGHTS OF A VERY TROUBLED MIND HERE PEOPLE, REALLY WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. A FRIKKING HOUR TO CHANGE THE THEME

 

This was me hitting the CHANGE button on my blog. IT WAS HARD!

But I guess I am a weirdo anyway, so this will balance out the karma of what I faced when I was deciding to change my blog page. I could have stopped smoking easier than I did choosing this new theme. Word Press is in-fact more addictive than smoking

Well at least I am complete idiot anyway, so all is well in the world………

 

………..or is it

Come on, honest remarks, if you pretend I will know, and cry! I am a crier, yes, I am

 

 

As I sit and read about YOU ALL on Word Press

 

As I sit here going over 100 blogs or more of people I follow, I am saddened, worried, happy, laughing, upset, underwhelmed, overwhelmed, empowered and more, I could go on

But one thing struck me; we all have a story right? Yeah that is the easy bit, but when we read a blog and we need to reply, sometimes I get stuck for words. Do I say what is on my mind or say something that is close to what is on my mind? You know, how to respond sometimes is hard

I see people having fun, people really hurting and all in-between and it hurts sometimes to read about others people suffering. We are all different. I turned from a monster to an all caring man who would do anything for anyone, always try and help or give advice and be the decent lad I think I am. But how do you reply to someone when their anguish is so bad, that I am sitting in tears here myself? I find it impossible, but I always find “That” word of comfort, or I hope I do

What I see is a the World in my Screen, a world full of emotions, love, caring, hurt, sadness, pretending, guilt, pain (I am pain), self loathing, suicidal thinking and all in-between, this was just tonight, in the last hour or so

Then it struck me, this is MORE than just a place where we all come to blog, it is way more than just a bloggers place. It is a place where we all spill our souls into a screen in the hope someone says something or just to get it out our system. I am a GREAT believer in Quality over Quantity. What I mean by that is I would rather interact with people who reply back, so for me I am trying a lot harder to visit your blogs more, I can’t visit you all every day, but I am trying. When I took the decision to do this I didn’t know it would affect me in this way

I am sitting here crying over what I read from you all. I smiled and laughed also, but the last few blogs really hit me like a bus. WOW was the moment I felt. I want to help you all, I want to fix you all, and I want to try at least to make you all better.

Sadly I can’t, but as long as I can try, I will try to fix you. I can’t fix me, so I MUST fix you. I love in a country where showing emotion, being a man is frowned upon, almost laughed at. I say fuck you to this rubbish. Scotland can be a harsh place for a man with feeling and emotions.

Maybe it is my pain talking; it could be my medication, although I don’t think it is I am due it in half an hour. But one thing is for sure, you have me at your side. Your battle is not alone.  You have a friend here, I may be thousands of miles away, or hundreds of miles away, even 20 miles away, the message is still the same

Don’t live alone in a crowded world and live in silence in a world when the noise is deafening

I do this, yeah, I hide myself away, but there is hope for you, and I will help

 

From 1985 till now, can we look at ourselves in the mirror as a species?

1985, I was 11 when this event happened. In the UK and the USA

Again, for me, life is defined in Moments, moments we look back at years later and say “WOW” did that really happen. Well yeah, in 1985, the UK and the USA did Live Aid; they both ran at the same time and is still the biggest world musical event to this day. But why did we do this? What was the reason? Well these two songs tell a story, and be warned, the picture at the bottom of the blog is reason enough to try, but today kids and adults are still dying, still things are bad, they are better, but not perfect. Let’s make more moment like this, for humanity and our consciences

Against all odds 

Somebody to love 

The American people did this, a song I love today, still

This picture should haunt our sleep, should haunt every greedy bastard corporate bastard who makes billions of pounds/dollars as things like this still happen, as a species, if we are lucky, we will be able to look Back to this time, our time with absolute disgust that this BELOW FUCKING HAPPENS!

FUCKING WHY!! All the money on earth and this happens !! NO MORE!! WAKE UP!!

I will let this answer

WE MUST WAKE UP, TIME IS RUNNING OUT…FAST!

A Video to wake us all up. I cried….

Inspiration

 

Watch this and tell me you have nothing, watch this and tell me life isn’t amazing. This man is amazing. Take a bow Nick Vujicic, he is quadriplegic

Next time we all think we are down, watch this video, next time we think we have nothing, watch this video, next time we feel angry, watch this video and realise you have more.

But Nick has more than I do, he is happy, he accepts and he lives. He inspired me, I hope he can inspire you. Nick, I spoke to you once on a Radio show, you are THE MAN!!  You just live, you don’t worry about what you can’t do, you focus on what you can do, you are an inspiration to anyone and everyone who is ill or feels sorry for themselves

He is an Amazing Human Being and some

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nick_Vujicic