Goodnight Cyberspace ZZzzzzzz

MP3 Blog I did, please read to check out Tony’s site and order CD

This blog I did today http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/2013/08/27/leaving-your-body-and-mind-through-an-mp3-i-was-given/ was for Tony Burkinshaw @ http://postsofhypnoticsuggestion.wordpress.com/

This is Tony here

Tony Burkinshaw

In the blog above I explained how Tony gave me an MP3 to listen to, I did for a month, and it changed a lot that was going in with my pain and my state of mind. I have added a contact for Tony to the right of this blog below my Music Player.

To contact Tony email him to enquiries@tonyburkinshaw.co.uk

To visit his site to discuss getting this CD here is the URL http://tonyburkinshaw.co.uk/shop Relief for Chronic Pain Conditions

Tony asked me to try it for a month and I did, I don’t have the full CD but will pay for it. It changed me, it helped my pain. I a not getting paid for this, Tony read my blog, seen I was in pain and gave me a short MP3 to listen to. I  did for 10 minutes at 3pm every day, and over the weeks, Dawn and my sons noticed a change in me, I noticed a change in my pain, I was able to control it better. And I still need to listen to the CD for a while.

I know people are sceptical over internet help or therapy, but I did this for Tony, again the blog I did is here http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/2013/08/27/leaving-your-body-and-mind-through-an-mp3-i-was-given/ I like to think people here can trust me, please, if you are in pain, I ask you get in touch with Tony and PLEASE give this CD a try, what do you have to lose? I gained. I am not healed. far from it, but what I am is in a state where I can control my thoughts and pain better, and this is after just over a month of listening. I will blog again in a month or so do tell how it has helped me more. Tony is a FANTASTIC lad and he has helped me no end, a lot. I plead with anyone in pain to give this a shot, it helped me, I want to help anyone in pain, please give this a try, there is also a free phone number on his site. It worked for me. Many have said I have been better lately, blogging new things etc, I can only thank Tony

More love

Less hate

Shaun

Why do people have to be hurtful…

 

Hey…

This isn’t an angry blog or a hateful blog, it is a confused blog. I came here in July last year  and did a handful of blogs as I was blogging football and doing some Podcasts and radio stuff, nothing important, just a story that was big about Soccer a year or so ago in Scotland, I did this amount of blogs last year

December 2012 (9)

November 2012 (5)

October 2012 (4)

September 2012 (8)

August 2012 (7)

July 2012 (5)

= 38 blogs in 6 months, I was not really blogging as I blog now.

I then started to really blog, I came here as the truth, telling my truth and helped people, always, and I do have many friends here, some amazing people are on Word Press, and this is my blogs Since January this year

July 2013 (23)

June 2013 (177)

May 2013 (126)

April 2013 (137)

March 2013 (84)

February 2013 (67)

January 2013 (23)

= 637 and most blogs came under the category about “Life” with 241 blogs

Never once have I been rude unless someone has been rude to me, I am helpful at all times, I care, I cry with people, I laugh with people, I help people, and the same happened to me, people helped me in a way that I can only say amazed me, I am in a better way from the day I really started blogging in January that I am today, today I 100% feel as though Word Press has helped me deal with my Chronic Pain Syndrome/Fibromyalgia. I goof around a lot, every day I try and post a “Funny Pictures” Blog, I do try harder these days to get around people’s blogs and help and care and try and just be a decent man.

Sadly one person has started to be hurtful with things about me they say. It is nothing awful, I would not even say they were nasty, just the wrong side of a story that happened on here and I am not going to say who he/she is or what happened, for me it was NOTHING it was a friendship that went silly because of two people, me and them. And now the person is hurting me in a way they don’t realise. I only offer what I offer here when I am on, my heard and my mind, I can’t give more here. I read a blog earlier and told a person I loved them and I was crying for them, that is the real me.

Men can cry, men can show emotions, men can be nice, as you all know. I am just confused I guess.

I don’t do hate or anger or spiteful shit, never in a million years could I be a keyboard warrior, it is not my style. But this person is telling friends we both share lies about what happened. I could blog the conversations to prove it, but that is just silly and childish. I don’t want this blog to come across as silly and childish, I just don’t get why this person has set out to hurt me with words. I am only glad others realise this person has major issues and needs help and I did try to help this person. But my help came across wrong I guess. I like this person and would talk to them in a heartbeat. As I blog I thought I would blog this because it is the only way I can say to everyone who is aware of what happened that I am not a bad man, I am not nasty person, I am not the kind of person to hurt another. That is my past, I guest blogged that, it is down the page. I live for my family, I live in pain, I live to have fun, I live to have fun and I put all my pain to one side and try and help others here, the exact same as others in pain here do for me and others.

I say “More Love, Less Hate” And I say it often because I mean it. I just think this person is being very hurtful, they maybe don’t know it due to their state of mind and other issues, but I just need to tell them I am here if they need to chat. I have no ill feeling towards anyone in my world, be it on the internet or in my life here in Scotland, I do not keep enemies or hate, I do all I can to not be that guy.  I came here as a man who was lost and has almost found himself again, the pain truly took away a lot, and through the tenderness and caring of people on here I am healing. This person, it is all about them, always, never a nice caring word to another, I need to tell them, the world does not revolve around them, and if they opened their mind a little they would see help is there and they are not the only one with a shit life

I just needed to blog this. No hate, anger or disrespect, only love and a caring nature and friendship

More love, less hate, Sharing the caring

Shaun, the guy in a skirt who eats haggis in my castle, from Scotland, near the North Pole ish

 

As I sit in pain, I only ask YOU read this, and listen to the song

I decided LONG ago to do EXACTLY what that picture above says, and believe me it helps. I know 200 + people on Word Press and more who suffer from pain. I am thankful for the 130+ Award I have received, this tells me perhaps I have helped; perhaps I have done a good thing, perhaps although I am 5,000 miles away from a person, and I have helped them

As someone who has suffered in silence for 15 years as this bastard pain got worse to the point I had to stop almost everything that made me happy, all I can say to anyone who suffers in pain is, if someone in your family does not believe you have this, get them out your life till they walk back to you. I speak to so many people on Skype Audio from all over the world, emails also and on Word Press and Facebook chat and the common theme is “Family” people don’t believe we can suffer so much pain and not be in a wheelchair, this invisible pain takes more than we could ever say, it took more of my life than I can even begin to say or tell you all, it took almost EVERYTHING

But people judge, THE SECOND this happens to me they are gone from my life; this shit is hard enough without dealing with people who make things worse with harsh words. I know I speak for a thousand + people here but this pain effects more than us, it affects our life, our world, our house and all those in it. I am lucky, the people in my house “Get it” 24/7 pain I can only ever describe as all over body toothache is too much every day. So get the people to fuck off who make you worse,  I do. T his is my life, same as it is yours. Live it on your terms till you can’t. I remember being a kid and seeing a disabled person and thought “I would not allow myself to be like that” lol, once it comes, there ain’t a think you can do. You have to get up in pain, breath pain, think pain, and I do try to get pain out of my mind, but it is almost impossible. I will fight till I can’t, I will write and the doors that are opening for me I will walk through and I pray one day for a better day. I love my life, I smile, I have to, I must, I can’t give in, if I do, I am gone, and that can’t happen. So I live

What keeps me going is knowing I am not alone, my family who understand, I don’t want fucking sympathy, I want understanding and to be treat like a fucking human being by the people in my life who I love, mock me, but don’t judge me, is all I ask, it is all any of  us ask, there is a stigma attached to invisible pain, and I know it now, oh so well

I speak for us all again when I say this kills our minds because we want to do things an can’t, people who don’t suffer can do the smallest of things I myself used to just take for granted and now I can’t so I adjust my life to do so. I make changes; I have had thousands of pounds of adaptations done to my house, things my Partner and kids must live with just to make it easier for me to do the “Easy things” that many take for granted. Going to the bathroom, going to bed, getting to both of these places, to people in no pain, take a second to think “What if I lived in pain 24/7 and wished I was dead” Because this is what many of us do. We sometimes wish we were gone and not a burden to our family and not have to suffer

Sometimes family visit me and the brave mask comes on, then they leave and I sit and cry, I don’t know why, I can never explain. But today I smile, and I am learning through the help of the people who WILL read this who will understand, this burning pain is killing me slowly, but I will fucking smile until I can’t, I will love my family until I can’t, I will live my life until I can’t, the word can’t has become a word I am now friends with, but still I fight with all my life and soul

Just my feelings for today as I suffer in silence as there is nothing else I can do, so I leave you all with a song, a song that makes me smile, a song that makes me happy and is just Irony at its best, please play this song loud and whistle, always whistle lol, yesterday was my birthday and I was on  high, today I guess I am just coming down, I will be fine, just promise me you will listen to this song and let it make you smile

I’m NOT THAT OLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My mates are bastards because I am 40 tomorrow!!!

In just over 2 hours from now, Shaun turns into a REAL man. While I have awaited my fate, my friends have been POUNDING me with jokes. They are mostly all older than me. It really is good fun, so I  thought I would share some of what I have been getting for the last few weeks. My friends are Bastards lol

Here are are  FINE collection from Email, Text, Facebook and to my face 😦

Not long now Shaun Gibson I should get a couple more jokes in before you are THE BIG 40 .

You know your getting older when……

You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations

The pharmacist has become your new best friend.

You and your teeth don’t sleep together.

You don’t remember when your wild oats turned to shredded wheat.

People call at 9 PM and ask, “Did I wake you?

It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired

An “all nighter” means not getting up to pee!

You answer a question with “Because I said so!

You begin every other sentence with, “Nowadays…”

I’m not saying he’s getting older, but when he lit the candles on his birthday cake, five people passed out from heat exhaustion

Made me giggle BUT i wish you a Happy Birthday (cough 40th)
have a great day Bud

And

Mate they say at 40 you You finally get your head together but then your body starts falling apart.

that is the last one really I mean it ?

You find yourself standing in line and can’t remember why.

also You frequently find yourself telling people what a loaf of bread USED to cost.

You keep repeating yourself. 

And You get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

You have more patience, but it is actually that you just don’t care any more.

You keep repeating yourself. 

You learn where your prostate is.

You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge

and for some reason You read more and remember less.

You realize that a stamp today costs more than a picture show did when you were growing up.

You realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

You regret all those mistakes you made resisting temptation

You remember when the only people who wore rings in their noses were called pygmies.

You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.

You stop half way up the stairs, and can’t remember if you were going up or coming down.

You talk about “good grass” and you’re referring to someone’s lawn

Get a zipper you auld prick

I have sent you some Viagra for Dawn

Tell Dawn I am sorry

The dog hates you now (Still)

Farting is now a MAJOR gamble

It gets better in Picture format! 

Bad taste, I know..No offence to anyone…

One thing I did learn, is my buddies can’t spell for shit ha ha 

Stuck on an Island for 2 days, I was 16, best time of my life

 

Just reading a blog by Victoria there http://furrynuff.wordpress.com/2013/01/24/the-blonde-was-called-freedom-the-dark-one-enterprise/comment-page-1/#comment-3065

Reminded me of the time about 20/30 of me and my friends got stuck on an Island in the River Forth for 2 days due to over sleeping and the tide. We were all about 15/16, we had beer, cannabis, LOUD MUSIC, Peace and quiet and lots of fun. The blog was similar, but it reminded me of my story, and this song. As I approach 40 (I know, I know) I am looking back with ease to my youth when a Shit I did not give. Just fun and “School?” what’s School? We just partied hard and got terribly drunk and just danced for two days. If truth be told, I don’t think we wanted to be saved, I think we all could happily have lived on that island and in that moment for all of time.

Being  young, some took it for granted, some never, I certainly never, I lived it to its fullest, I think I knew going to be a Dad the next year I had to just enjoy every second of what I had left of my childhood. It was amazing, we really could have stayed the night, over and over, so here is the song to go with the story

Here is to staying young while getting old lol, this song just takes me right back there

My Mum came to visit with this Cake today…

 

 

Big thanks to my Mum, you can always depend on your Mum to cheer you up. Was sitting on my Tablet reading my Book in pain, in she came and put a huge smile on my face with this Celtic FC Cake. I love Cake, but a Celtic Cake, THOUGHT WENT INTO THIS ONE!! Not too keen on the 4 and the 0, and the 40th bunting I believe may be a sign of a party arrangement.

I am so glad I called her, nobody should fall out with Mum. And her partner, what a guy, he just spoils my kids and showers them with gifts every time he is here.

So I am a happy person today, loads of cards also and more to come. Being 40 I can “Feel” 30 I never, 40 I feel, I can actually feel “Oldness” creeping in. I think I smell different, I have no grey hairs however. Not even a pubic one. And I still have all my hair and wake each morning with a throbbing co….

So you get the drift. Being 40 is fun, its the new 20! so I am told, I just don’t remember being this sore when I was 20.

Anyway, so anyone reading, if you fell out with Mum, be a good sibling and make the call. I was wrong, my Mum was right, I was just stubborn. I see it now. See we only get one blast at the old life party, so we must make the most of it. Falling out with loved ones, especially Mum is wrong and Bad, she brought us into the world with great pain.

So this is for you Mum, and your Partner. For being there, for understanding, for loving my partner and kids and for just being “Mum”, so here is to making up for lost time

More love, Less hate..

To Mums everywhere, this is mine x

Yesterday was a blur, and thank you x

 

 

To say yesterday was a blur is the understatement of the week. The pain I remember being in around 3pm yesterday was horrific. Dawn called the Dr and within an hour I had Morphine in my system. I don’t know if anyone has had Morphine (Of course some have) but when it hits me, it truly is like getting punched in the back of the head and then a dizzy sick feeling for 10 minutes

Then relief. I remember last night after I took the Morphine in parts, I didn’t take a second doze I had tablets instead, looking back I should have taken more Morphine. I was up till 3 am then up again at about 10 am this morning. I just couldn’t get to sleep for pain. I have a double hospital bed for Dawn and I (And the kids and the dog) so I have all the home comforts to help.

My problem is I keep breaking bones, I keep fracturing the same bones, and bones won’t heal. I was worried and asked my Dr Few years back and they done tests “All part of Chronic Pain Syndrome” I was told. All the bones I have broken in my life, 20+ all feel broken as I type this. From fingers to wrists, shoulder bones, foot bones my ankles my legs and my knee and more. When I did sport I broke a lot of bones, now I pay for it badly

But I would just like to say thank you for all the kind messages I awoke to this morning and all the messages of “Go to sleep” from last night. You guys here really are TRUE extensions to my friends group I have in real life. Any of you on my face book will see my real friends don’t hang out sympathy, just mock me and give me stick, lol

Wouldn’t have it any other way. Also, my two sons, amazing help the last few days since I tore this knee up. Dawn was just AMAZING; she cares for her kids, deals with the house and also this idiot here. She looks after me real well and I am a very lucky boy to have her in my life. I awoke this morning , gave her the most passionate kiss I could muster up then said “Thank you” To everyone who has spoken to Dawn or friends who know Dawn, they will say the same, she is something else, what she puts up with me and my clown shoe ways is something

But the pain is here to stay for this lad (Me) no point looking for it to go, no point praying no more, no point wishing upon a star, this is it, I have accepted it, I did a long time ago, I just didn’t want to admit it. But as I approach 40 years old, ps: I have been approaching 40 years for years now, lol, I know the human body gets sore anyway, for all of us who have Chronic Pain in any form, we get sorer quicker and worse.

So feck it, I love my pain, it’s my friend, so I go with it I guess, smile, be happy, show and make love, care for my kids and family, do what all men do and try and be true to myself and be a decent chap

Thank you all, you are all friends I need in my life. Being here at the PC/Laptop most of the time, you are friends. There was a stigma “You only have on-line friends” but for me and many here, it is all we can have, and I am thankful for you all, truly. I have my real friends also, and this is a thank you from to you. If you reading this and left a comment of any kids last few days, thank you.

Dawn got thanked in a special way. I bought her flowers or, em, something x

A song about friendship and love and how to give a shit about others

There was this kid I used to know

 

The year must have been 1980 or there about, this young lad I know oh so well, well, he was scared, he had been through a lot. More than his friends from School had, but he was always the joker, putting on the brave face. I always look back and remember this kid, such a loving lad, but you could tell he was scared. He wanted for nothing, always the first out of all of us to get the new “In Thing” But I don’t think they made the kid happy for too long, he would have it a few days then it was old like all the other new stuff he had.

He lived in a nice big house at the top of the hill; I could never understand his parents, always strange. He was loved, or I believe he was, but rumours started about this kid’s Dad and things that were going on. And it got to the stage the kid I remember stopped coming out to play, we were only about 6 or 7 and looking back I  guess I roughly knew why the kid did this

I sometimes wonder what happened to that young boy, where did he go, what did he end up, is he happy. You know, normal questions, he had a friend, she was a girl same age as him, she lived next door, and she always looked out for him, offered him a hand to cross the road etc

Funny thing is, that small kid is me, yeah I was speaking in the 2^nd person, I am that kid

I entered a dark stage an hour ago, and when this happens I tend to go backwards in my mind for a bit, just long enough to remember a few things and look back at happy days with my Mum and Dad. When they split up I was happy, I was in my very early 20’s and I knew it was for the best. When my Mum left my Dad used to cry “What have I done” I wanted to tell him, but he knew

Anyway, fast forward to now, today, this night, this moment. And the young kid is still lost it seems. He pines for “Normal” not in his own house, but with his Family. The last time he spent Christmas with his parents was 22 years ago for example. As things got better and the hurt went away and the years rolled on, here is this Man asking what happened to that little Kid and I still do. I can almost not remember being him, but I remember how he felt

But tonight I was fine, good mood, music on, some fun with the girls, took the dog a walk, then “Snap” The darkness came. I am all alone, but happy to be all alone in my real life, I am at ease; it is peaceful in the dark, almost a relief from the hustle and bustle from a few hours ago. I am in pain, PLEASE NO SORRY OR SYMPOTHY; I just need to get this out there. It is dark, and at times like this I can swear I hear a voice saying “It will be ok” I often wonder if this is me, God, or that little boy

I just want to know what happened to that young boy

I guess now he is Happy to have let go of the past and now 100% lives for his own family now. I think he let go this week so he could move forward.  It may have hurt him, but he had to leave it where it was, because if he didn’t he would be stuck there with the people from where is demons come from. Now I think he is more at ease. But still confused as a young kid, but a man who will move heaven and earth for the people he loves 

Isn’t our mind an amazing thing?

That is all I have to share just now

More love, less hate…………..

Audio Blog by me – Awards, Boston, Word Press, Love Hate, Stupid people and more…Hope you listen

 

 

Just a quick 10 minutes of me speaking about Pain, Awards, Friends, stupidity, love, reaching out, thank you and a LOT, LOT More..Please listen…