2 minute video
This was posted to me by my 21 year old son, who came through to the main room and he watched it with me, an we both cried, me and my son. Watching this should be a reminder to us all of things that are truly important. This is just outrageous and amazing. Some in the USA may know this story, if not, know what love is, give it a watch x
What the kid says at the end of this 2 minute video got me, got me good
More Love, Less Hate
Shaun x
I coached kids as well as Adults in my decade and a half in Football (Soccer) And I had a good chance to go and take one of the best Under 14 sides in this part of Scotland for this season about to start, pre-season has started and teams are playing friendly games and training hard for the season that starts 3 weeks on Saturday
When I started out, about 4/5 years into my football career I was running my own club and Managing on a Saturday but also doing kids football on a Saturday morning my son was in the side with all his friends The way things work in Scotland is when a players leaves under 19s (Age 17 and 18 they play this level) they then go and play under 21’s for 4 seasons. Sadly a LOT of 1st year 21’s players, the younger players in this silly 4 year age bracket age level don’t get played. This season, all the kids within that age bracket I Managed/Coached when they were 9/10 years old are not getting game time, these are the players from 10 years ago; they are all 19/20 years old now
The last time I was with this side before they went to High School, my own son Ryan is 10 here with the red Arsenal FC strip on. Brilliant memories that year with the kids and the parents, same parents now speaking to me about this
We got to the Final of the only 11-a-side tournament in the City at the time, this was around 2002/2003, my son is bottom row, 2nd in from the right (he-he)
So I am walking through a Superstore the other day to buy something for my Daughter’s Birthday or something, I can’t remember. And I hear “Shaun” I look behind me and I see a woman, around my age, and I think “I know this woman, but where” Anyway, Dawn comes over and says “Hi you” to this woman, she was a parent of one of the kids in the above photo. We got chatting and she said she still speaks to a lot of the parents of the above kids, as she still lives in the area the kids are from, and were from in the picture. The parents had been trying to find Ryan my son or me, as they want me to re-start a side with them next season. A big smile came over my face, as this is was my very 1st team I EVER managed and I learnt a lot the 4 years I coached these kids, at first I was just a coach learning to be a coach, then I managed them and it was AMAZING, the kids were all brilliant and the parents were so helpful, we were a big “Team or a big “Family” and we all wanted the best for our kids.
So, next season, God willing, I may be taking an East of Scotland side. Very high level, I have had tentative talks with a few clubs about bringing 9 players from my 1st team and a few lads I know who are a year younger or older to a club next season. If I can’t get that done, I need a special football home, a proper football park with criteria to match the rules at this level, just a lot of rules to play this level, certain size of changing room for the Ref, a boxed off area for the Managers and dugouts for the Managers and coaches to sit down, and that would suit me as I could sit down.
So the football dream is alive. My son got back in contact with all his old friends from Primary School, and as things stand the players, who mostly all work now and the parents are happy to go ahead and pay to make this happen. I included. They all know my health issues, but one of them came up with an idea that the parents will just order me to sit down as much as possible, as I am a manager who coaches while standing up when my team is playing, the best time to coach young players, is during a game.
So, I won’t get carried away, it is 9 months away, it is my first every side, and I could go on and coach/manage them till they are 35 years old and ready to retire. So this is a BIG chance here to get back to my roots before Football got REALLY serious and Trophies HAD to be won! Should I take this side, that will be the deal from, they are adults now, young adults, trophies must be won. And I coached them as kids; their style of play is what I coached into them. So I will know them all.
I have the smile of a cat here, but feet on the ground. Might not happen, but this gives me 9 month to speak to my Dr, allow my hamstring and knee to rest or get operated on and maybe, just maybe, I am back doing what I miss most in life.
How brilliant would it be to go again with first every team of players I coached?
I will pray and try to get my mind and body right, I would love this, Life coming full circle
Depression came to my life as a very young man, I think I was around 19 or 20 years old, being so young, having a carefree life, before where I was king of my world, this new “Emotion” hit me like a ton of bricks. I had no idea what it was at first. I had just came out of jail for the last time in my life, I had sorted myself out and decided I needed to live for Dawn and my sons who were 4 and 2 years old or so at the time. I had to deliver for them, so I put my criminal past behind me, I told people to fuck off, I told family I wasn’t going to be that lad any more, I was leaving to spend my life with Dawn, the woman who saved my life. I did a blog here for Mel, it was a guest blog, it explains more of what I am saying here http://deliberatedonkey.wordpress.com/2013/07/02/murder-and-more-through-the-eyes-of-a-child/ Dawn showed me a life I did not know existed, so I choose life, I chose the 3 piece suit and matching luggage and hire purchase and playing with the kids on a Sunday, see before I had chosen something else, back then I chose life. I am paraphrasing a movie made in the city I live in, Trainspotting, great movie, please watch it if you can, as my story is similar
So depression came to me the second I decided to be a Husband and a Father and say no to Guns, Drugs and Crime. I didn’t understand, I was doing the right thing, and I felt bad. There were times the depression was so bad I felt like being old Shaun again, just to feel better, but I stayed strong, and through speaking to family, friends, and Dawn I came through the other end every time the depression came. It was a dark cloud that would consume my whole mind and I hated it, it scared me to death, I didn’t know what to do and I didn’t want to be violent, so I decided to do what I am doing here and that is speak about it. See I noticed when I bottled the darkness up within it just got darker, but the second I said “Dawn, I feel sad and scared” was the second I felt release, or close to release.
So don’t sit and suffer in silence, for some there will be no cure, there will be times when the darkness still comes, but you can control it. Still now when my pain is high the darkness can come, but I can dull it and my depression is no longer a clinical illness, it is something that comes sometimes when the pain traps me in a state of non-human being state, this is how I describe what the pain does to me, it makes me non human, it turns me into something else, when this happens I hide away, I stick on the headset and listen to music in my place in the house where I know nobody can see me or bother me. That sounds harsh I know, but I don’t want my family to see my like that, they understand, so I hide. So I am not all the way there yet, but what I am is close. The pain is a different blog, this isn’t an article about pain, and this is one about depression and how it came to my life after leaving a life of crime and becoming a good person, to this day I still ask this question “Why when I stopped being a bastard did the demons come” but just typing it there, I see it, it was perhaps guilt, guilt for the people I hurt, the people I angered, and all the bad things I did. The only person I never hurt was my angel Dawn; she was and still is my life, my thoughts and my prayers and more. She levels me, she takes my heart and fills it with joy and hope and I have never known a woman to encourage as much as her, she just smiles and say’s “It will be ok” and in reality, it always will be. Even in the worst of moments, things are always ok. We will all meet our maker, we will have health challenges, like mine now, but we can overcome anything if we choose to do so, we have choice, once we realise this, life becomes a little easier, choice is ALWAYS there, there ARE other options, we just need to understand they exist and we can change and do better for ourselves. As it says above, living with depression is a strength, if you are here, reading this, and have been living with depression for years, then realise how strong you are to have came through all this. YOU ARE A STRONG PERSON, so give yourself some credit, you are here, breathing, and living. Sometimes the chemical release making some depressed and only medication can help, so sometimes there is very little some people can do, but I was that “Some Person” once and I fought from the darkness and into the light and achieved, like this http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/2013/06/08/the-football-story-i-never-told/ I came from being a criminal, to depression to creating moments and memories for kids and adults, my family and myself, I am living proof that we can change, don’t allow ANYONE to put you down an tell you that you can’t, I became home and change for others. Many know my story in real life, and they know what I am life, it is ALL or NOTHING for me. I excell in what I do, be it football or whatever, I do well, because I demand it from myself, this self taught way I gave to myself works, the blog above is the proof. I created moments for kids, adults and myself, moments 20 years ago I never thought possible. Leading 15 year old kids out in a Soccer stadium with 4,000 people in it was the moment I realised any dream is possible, so keep believing, keep dreaming and never give up, EVER!
I chose life, don’t choose something else
More love, less hate
Shaun
Sometimes a word is never enough, sometimes a look is never enough, sometimes you THINK a person knows you love them, but just in-case, Babe, just so you know x
Sometimes words are hard to find
I’m looking for that perfect line
To let you know you’re always on my mind
Ya this is love and I’ve learned enough to know
I’m never lettin’ go
No, no, no, won’t let go
When you want it, when you need it
You’ll always have the best of me
I can’t help it, believe it
You’ll always get the best of me
I may not always know what’s right
But I know I want you here tonight
Gonna make this moment last for all your life
Oh ya this is love and it really means so much
I can tell from every touch
No, no, no, can’t get enough
When you want it, when you need it
You’ll always have the best of me
I can’t help it, believe it
You’ll always get the best of me
The best of me
Ya this is love and I’ve learned enough to know
I’m never lettin’ go
No, no, no, won’t let go
(You’ll always have the best of me)
(You’ll always get the best of me)
You’ve always got the best of me, baby
(You’ll always have the best of me)
I can’t help it
(You’ll always get the best of me)
I can’t help it
When you want it (when you want it), when you need it (when you need it
You’ll always have the best of me (you’ll always have the best of me)
I can’t help it (I can’t help it), believe it (believe it)
You’ll always get the best of me (you’ll always have the best of me)
1985, I was 11 when this event happened. In the UK and the USA
Again, for me, life is defined in Moments, moments we look back at years later and say “WOW” did that really happen. Well yeah, in 1985, the UK and the USA did Live Aid; they both ran at the same time and is still the biggest world musical event to this day. But why did we do this? What was the reason? Well these two songs tell a story, and be warned, the picture at the bottom of the blog is reason enough to try, but today kids and adults are still dying, still things are bad, they are better, but not perfect. Let’s make more moment like this, for humanity and our consciences
Against all odds
Somebody to love
The American people did this, a song I love today, still
This picture should haunt our sleep, should haunt every greedy bastard corporate bastard who makes billions of pounds/dollars as things like this still happen, as a species, if we are lucky, we will be able to look Back to this time, our time with absolute disgust that this BELOW FUCKING HAPPENS!
FUCKING WHY!! All the money on earth and this happens !! NO MORE!! WAKE UP!!
I will let this answer
WE MUST WAKE UP, TIME IS RUNNING OUT…FAST!
Courtney and Chloe
Two little girls 2 years apart in age
But who’s counting at this stage
They are best of friends at times
Other times you share the crimes
Brought together by Mum and Dad
We gave you life and are never sad
Even when you do things Bad
Mummy and I are still glad
So now your best friends and love to play
I can almost say with certainty this day
You will be loving Sisters till always I pray
After all soon you both are off to ballet
So I sit and write this poem more praying than hope
That through life I hope you both keep the skipping rope
Life will get hard, but not quite now, you still fight over soap
I stand and laugh as you fight, wondering how my ribs will cope
So as you both grow older and you both get closer
Mum and Dad can only talk about it pray and hope
That over time you stay true and remember the skipping rope
Daddy only wishes one thing, this for his angels to have love
They have it now, but in years to come, I hope you meet the white dove
Some songs have strong meaning, they have a message, even when you can’t see it or hear it. You have to look through the words sometimes..
The last few weeks have been real tough for many from Boston and Texas and other parts of the states, and also all over the world where we don’t always get the news or places where you just never get the news, shit things happen, and life sometimes can make you feel down, alone and depressed, I think most will identify with this, so I thought I would bring things into context, or try
Many who follow my blog 600 and rising, an amazing amount and I thank you all, I try and read as much as I can from you all and reply or like and at least try to show it is a 2 way street here on Word Press. I created this award, remember?
The Word Press Family Award
I am PROUD of this..
And here were my reasons:
“This is an award for everyone who is part of the “Word Press Family” I start this award on the basis that the Word Press family has taken me in, and showed me love and a caring side only Word Press can. The way people take a second to be nice, to answer a question and not make things a competition amazes me here. I know I have been given many awards, but I wanted to leave my own legacy on here by creating my own award, as many have done before. This represents “Family” we never meet, but are there for us as family. It is my honour to start this award”
And looking back, I just felt for all the awards and nice people here it would be fun to make an award, to watch it grow and see it on most people’s page just staggers me, I think “My award is all over” and have that sort of confused man look (Yeah ladies, you know the look) 🙂
I think sometimes we can all watch the news, read blogs and wish we had never, it is scary stuff. I wish sometimes I was 10 again, and all I had to worry about was “Do my jeans fit in here at School” you know, stupid stuff. As we grow and have a Home a family, bills, the bank of Dad appears and your life becomes a cycle of spending money on things that are not for you, reality sets in.
But, let me say, all the aguish and despair and hurt aside, Life is one amazing trip you know. I know many people here who are just blogging “Because” or who are in pain, show pictures, videos, people even make money, whatever your reasons for being here are, that the very fabric of this place here, and life, is LOVE
I live (Yawn, I know) in agony most days, it is hard, but I am TRULY blessed for my life, my family, my friends, the people in real life and online who believe in me and the love I get shown to the love I give back
Sometimes I look at the news and all the horror and think “I never see it in real life” Just on the news, it is someone else, I have wrote about this before and thought it for years, and like you all I have loved and lost and had times I would NOT DARE blog on here, things that have rocked my world. Murder in my own family being one of them, which is a blog I will never share, it hurts too much
But I live in my home, with my family and we visit (Not as much as I would like) and people visit us and my life is Amazing. Some say “My life is hard I have had enough” I think most of us or some of us have been there, but when the dust settles, we are left with love and a life.
I said in a blog once, “Had I never made all the mistakes I did and hate myself for, I would not have what I have today and be as happy as I am” Who else here can identify with this? Most I would guess? So we are all happy yeah? Love is our day our week our thoughts and our thinking. Individual acts of kindness keep the world going round.
Sometimes I stop and I look at the bad stuff, but as soon as the PC is off it is out of my mind, I am lucky I can do this, as not everyone can, many see things, read things and it has a profound effect on them when the PC is off. I ask, Dr’s and Nurse’s who work in a kids Hospital, how do they NOT take that heavy burden home with them at night? Do they just become immune to it and are able to switch off? I think this is the key, knowing when to “Switch Off” Many here say “You are on here all the time” Most are from the USA, and when you come online at say 6pm, it is 11pm here, so it is my “Pc Time” My PC is hardly used during the day, it is always on, my email is always open, and I am always downloading some new movie or sports show or podcast, whatever
I think LOVE is the best emotion we have; it gets us through our day, our week, the hard times and the disaster times. I am lucky, and many say to me “Shaun, you fall in shit and come out smelling of Roses” It is said off me often. I am that type, things just seem to go for me, it’s because I believe they will. Pain is just pain, sure it gets on my nerves and ruined my life, but through LOVE I reinvented myself, and made a NEW me and new way to live and I love my life. I really do
It is VERY EASY to read someone and get a false sense of them as they only blog through hard times or in hard times, but not every moment is hard. This week for example, my Daughter who is 4 this month asked me “Daddy, why is your leg always sore” I paused, I looked at her Mum, and said “Honey, Daddy just has a sore leg” This was all she needed to know, and she smiled, gave me a hug and went and argued with her sister over a crayon, I cried tears of joy, THAT WAS LOVE and a moment.
Life is moments of love, moments of truths, moments of caring, moments like what my nearly 4 year old Daughter did
Is life not just brilliant? Your life, my life, takes away the sadness and the stuff on the news and be “YOU” for a second, how lucky are we to have each other, to be able to say “I love you” or “I am thinking about you” or “I hope you are ok”
It takes REAL effort to be a bastard in this life; it takes seconds to be nice.
With love
More love, less hate
Your pal in a skirt
Shaun x
This is what we can become and where we can be, we have choice, and don’t forget it
Just breaking here is the UK, I know it is patriots day in Boston today, and also there was meaning for a shooting last December at the start of the race. Sorry if I am wrong.
I don’t know what to say except my thoughts and prayers go to the people who were at the race and family of those worried about family there.
I am watching live here http://news.sky.com/story/1078597/boston-marathon-explosions-three-killed
I hope these numbers of 2 dead and 23 injured stay low. Loss of life is always awful, I hope and pray there are no more bombs, we heard here in the UK a bomb just went off at a Boston Library. I added the live link for anyone at work or needs to know what is going on.
Thoughts and prayers to all..
Shaun x
prayingforoneday 