The Journey

 

Before I write anything I need to say my feet are on the ground and I know I still have a LONG road ahead of me, I know I will have to walk parts alone, I am happy in the knowledge I will have loved ones, friends and virtual friends on the journey with me

I came from a hellish Childhood, to a terrible teenage time, to becoming a terribly confused young Adult who was a Dad at 18, I was gifted a partner and a family as time moved on, I had it all. Aged 30 my life changed in more ways I can tell, but also came pain, depression, suicidal thoughts, and a lack of wanting to be better, I was popping prescription pills like they were sweeties (Candy in the USA) I was in a bad place, this was after I had this taken from me, I caved in, I gave up http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/2013/06/08/the-football-story-i-never-told/ I was as good as gone

Then 8 months ago, after 18 months of writing this: http://www.broowaha.com/articles/17147/glasgow-celtic-start-league-campaign-with-2-1-win or similar, I stopped doing that and started to blog about me, just me, where I was in my mind, the pain, how I couldn’t cope, this was my first few blogs

http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/2012/07/31/the-snooze-button-2/

http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/2012/07/24/when-the-darkness-comes-2/

http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/2012/07/20/other-people-2/

These were my reasons away back for starting to blog about me http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/2012/07/11/hello-world-2/

I was doing 3 or 4 blogs a Month till January 2013 as I blogged here earlier, http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/2013/08/27/official-1000-followers-here-are-my-badges-thank-you/

Now here I am, August 2013, the old me is gone, but the essence of the old me is returning, I can feel him, I am starting to have fun more, smile more, look forward more, anticipate things more, I found out at the Weekend my Mum is getting  Married early next year, things just started falling back into place in my mind, from the outside Dawn may see no change, but I do, and I guess Dawn does, I just am unsure what she see’s, we will talk about it, as she reads all these. I am in a good place, I have been for a while now, I have the odd day, I am a blessed man, living the life I want to live now, I want to be in no pain and do football, but anyone who followed my journey from the start will know I came to terms with that, so now I look forward to new challenges, new good things, challenges I may not even know about, I still want to do Radio, I want to improve as a writer by 100% at least, I am not a writer, I am just lad with a keyboard sharing his journey with a group of people who care, and I can only be thankful, I now want to help people who may be where I was once, this would make me happy, to pay it back, this is what life is about, giving back what you received

Like everyone here, I have issues, I have a journey, I am living it, but today I can say I am back in control, never again shall I blog this http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/2013/08/04/no-human-should-have-to-live-like-this-so-unfair/ I have my mind back, I have to thank 1,000  people  (some more than others) People came and helped me walk through the door, or over the line to where I stand today. But as said, my feet are on the ground, the journey carries on, and I can’t wait, I am up for the challenge of what life will throw at me now. This didn’t happen today, this happened over many days and weeks, today I just felt it stronger than ever for some reason, and my mind is now mine again, I say that loosley though, as I am a Scottish man, we are a different breed of Men, complicated I would say, along the way here on Word Press I never made 1 enemy, people may have made me an enemy, but I can say hand on heart, I feel no hard feelings towards 1 person, everyone helped me, so now it is time to pay back, I need to visit YOU and speak to you, and I hope this is ok

I would like you thank you all for joining me on my journey as I approach my 1,000^th blog

As always, my blog, my rules, I had to leave a song 🙂

For anyone who doesn’t know, I will leave this, as I gain so many followers, many don’t know http://deliberatedonkey.wordpress.com/2013/07/02/murder-and-more-through-the-eyes-of-a-child/ But really, life is good now, all better, we are all happy as we can be, this was another life, one I had no control over. but I do now, I can decide to let it be what it is, the past, if it causes me issues, then so be it, I would say 2 year ago, maybe less, I WAS A MESS, I was on twitter, and I was gone, I tried to hide it, but in reality the medication was in control of a body I didn’t like a mind I hated, but here I am, look what I did, look what I achieved, I could have given in, but as I sit and write this I am published here http://www.broowaha.com/ a featured writer and Editors pick, I really did this? lol

 

Good habits to help make you happy, Writing challenge?

 

Happiness is one aspiration all people share.  No one wants to be sad and depressed. We’ve all seen people who are always happy – even amidst agonizing life trials. I’m not saying happy people don’t feel grief, sorrow or sadness; they just don’t let it overtake their life. Here is a list of things I believe happy people do to keep themselves happy, just interesting

1. Appreciate Life
Be thankful that you woke up alive each morning. Develop a childlike sense of wonder towards life. Focus on the beauty of every living thing. Make the most of each day. Don’t take anything for granted. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Be happy today, yesterday is gone, tommorow will be what it will be

2. Choose Friends Wisely
Surround yourself with happy, positive people who share your values and goals. Friends that have the same ethics as you will encourage you to achieve your dreams. They help you to feel good about yourself. They are there to lend a helping hand when needed. If you surround yourself with drug users, you may become one, negative nasty people, you may become one, I believe this is vital in being happy, not having to stress over people, and if a person comes along you don’t care for, lose them

3. Be Considerate
Accept others for who they are as well as where they are in life. Respect them for who they are. Touch them with a kind and generous spirit. Help when you are able, without trying to change the other person. Try to brighten the day of everyone you come into contact with. Sadly not everyone will go for it, but I think it’s important to try

4. Learn Continuously
Keep up to date with the latest news regarding your career and hobbies. Try new and daring things that has sparked your interest – such as dancing, skiing, surfing or sky-diving. I used to this a lot more, now I am restricted somewhat, I have learnt new things and new ways and different things I wouldn’t have dreamed of doing if my pain hadn’t arrived, like writing 🙂

5. Creative Problem Solving
Don’t wallow in self-pity. As soon as you face a challenge get busy finding a solution. Don’t let the set backs affect your mood, instead see each new obstacle you face as an opportunity to make a positive change. Learn to trust your gut instincts – it’s almost always right. I sometimes get this, but I get it out of my system very quickly, I find with this blog, when a moment arrived I don’t like, if I get it out of my system by blogging it, it releases it, just a moment I look at it as

6. Do What They Love
Some statistics show that 80% of people dislike their jobs! No wonder there’s so many unhappy people running around. We spend a great deal of our life working. Choose a career that you enjoy – the extra money of a job you detest isn’t worth it. Make time to enjoy your hobbies and pursue special interests. I worked in football and fixed computers, two things I love doing, so I was getting pain for things I actually liked doing, and I had my own business

7. Enjoy Life
Take the time to see the beauty around you. There’s more to life than work. Take time to smell the roses, watch a sunset or sunrise with a loved one, take a walk along the seashore, hike in the woods etc. Learn to live in the present moment and cherish it. Don’t live in the past or the future. Like I always say, if you are happy THIS SECOND then life is good, moments matter

8. Laugh
Don’t take yourself – or life to seriously. You can find humour in just about any situation. Laugh at yourself – no one’s perfect. When appropriate laugh and make light of the circumstances. (Naturally there are times that you should be serious as it would be improper to laugh.) I am a prankster and always goofing around. Reading my blog you may get another feel for me, but it is impossible to truly get a 100% feel for a person through reading font, it can take a LONG time to get to know real people in your life, never mind people on the internet, I am a joker, serves me well, try it

9. Forgive
Holding a grudge will hurt no one but you. Forgive others for your own peace of mind. When you make a mistake – own up to it – learn from it – and FORGIVE yourself. Something I taught myself, I could hate several people in my personal life for things in my past but what’s the point, the past is the past, let it go, as I say, if you don’t like a person all too much, don’t have them in your life, but always try to find a common ground

10. Gratitude
Develop an attitude of gratitude. Count your blessings; All of them – even the things that seem trivial. Be grateful for your home, your work and most importantly your family and friends. Take the time to tell them that you are happy they are in your life. I tell Dawn and the World I am blessed even though I live in agony, I want to live and be happy, so I choose to do this

11. Invest in Relationships
Always make sure your loved ones know you love them even in times of conflict. Nurture and grow your relationships with your family and friends by making the time to spend with them. Don’t break your promises to them. Be supportive. These days people help me and Dawn, but we both are always thankful and if I make Dawn or one of the kids a promise I do my best to see it through, even if in pain

12. Keep Their Word
Honesty is the best policy. Every action and decision you make should be based on honesty. Be honest with yourself and with your loved ones. I am as honest as they come, in my life I don’t see the point in being dishonest, in the end you will only get hurt, I know people who make their life up as they go along, some do it because they have nothing and want to feel better about themselves, some just lie, so being honest means you will have to remember less

13. Meditate
Meditation gives your very active brain a rest. When it’s rested you will have more energy and function at a higher level. Types of meditation include yoga, hypnosis, relaxation tapes, affirmations, visualization or just sitting in complete silence. Find something you enjoy and make the time to practice daily. Something I know works for people I know, I have a CD I listen to just now and I lay in bed with a headset on and just drift away, works for me, it gives you “me time” and when you open your eyes you do feel like you have rested

14. Mind Their Own Business
Concentrate on creating your life the way you want it. Take care of you and your family. Don’t get overly concerned with what other people are doing or saying. Don’t get caught up with gossip or name calling. Don’t judge. Everyone has a right to live their own life the way they want to – including you. I did the blog a few down “Live and let live” and this is what I mean here, I allow opinions even if they are insane, because if someone has an opinion and they believe it to be true, who am I to get involved? I am not going to argue with someone who has a way of thinking different to my own, good practice this one!

15. Optimism
See the glass as half full. Find the positive side of any given situation. It’s there – even though it may be hard to find. Know that everything happens for a reason, even though you may never know what the reason is. Steer clear of negative thoughts. If a negative thought creeps in – replace it with a positive thought, this is a real tough one for me personally, I find it hard to be positive sometimes, but even when I am having a really bad day in pain, I find a way to be positive, laughter is a brilliant release for pain and I am optimistic all will be well one day with my pain and I know my family will be well

16. Love Unconditionally
Accept others for who they are. You don’t put limitations on your love. Even though you may not always like the actions of your loved ones – you continue to love them. Something I 100% do all the time, people make mistakes, say things they don’t mean, but it is a moment sometimes,  so I accept people for who and what they are, some family get me down, but I learn to live and let live

17. Persistence
Never give up. Face each new challenge with the attitude that it will bring you one step closer to your goal. You will never fail, as long as you never give up. Focus on what you want, learn the required skills, make a plan to succeed and take action. We are always happiest while pursuing something of value to us. Like me not doing football, I am DETERMINED I will get back, I am only 40 years old with 15 years experience and 19 trophies won and also 12 certificated in football (Soccer) managment

18. Be Proactive
Accept what can not be changed. Happy people don’t waste energy on circumstances beyond their control. Accept your limitations as a human being. Determine how you can take control by creating the outcome you desire – rather than waiting to respond. I find it hard, but I accepted the new pain me, I still have the odd day or moment, but all in, I have accepted my new life so here I am, writing about it, lol

19. Self Care
Take care of your mind, body and health. Get regular medical check ups. Eat healthy and work out. Get plenty of rest. Drink lots of water. Exercise your mind by continually energizing it with interesting and exciting challenges.

20. Self Confidence
Don’t try to be someone that you’re not. After all no one likes a phony. Determine who you are in the inside – your own personal likes and dislikes. Be confident in who you are. Do the best you can and don’t second guess yourself. I say it how it is and do it as it says on the box, I never second guess people, I am a “See what happened” type of guy, and I am as confident as they come, I am a confident person

21. Take Responsibility
Happy people know and understand that they are 100% responsible for their life. They take responsibility for their moods, attitude, thoughts, feelings, actions and words. They are the first to admit when they have made a mistake. Begin today by taking responsibility for your happiness. Work on developing these habits as you own. The more you incorporate the above habits into your daily lifestyle – the happier you will be. I believe this to be true, but it is only an opinion, I may be wrong, BUT…
Most of all: BE TRUE TO YOURSELF

If you think there is anything you can add to this  list or disagree with, please, leave a message. This is my thinking, but feel free to copy the 21 things and give me your take or your way of thinking on them, please do in-fact, call it a writing challenge

IF YOU WANT TO, COPY THE 21 WAYS I PUT IN TO BE HAPPY AND ADD YOUR OWN THOUGHTS, AND LEAVE ON A REPLY HERE. Please, I would like that!! 

More love, Less hate

Shaun

Think positive life is good? Think Negative life is bad?

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

Quick yes or no with a comment, if you wish, type blog here

I was brought up always to believe that if you thought good things would come your way, they would

Turn the coin around

Think bad things will happen and they do or might

I am going to be honest, this way of thinking has never let me down, pain aside, and I am talking family, life, comfortable in life, not needing or wanting for anything, more important my kids are healthy. So is there an argument that in life, if a person, you perhaps, are all doom and gloom, you will have a shit life full of problems and littered with issues and washing machines breaking and more, depression and just a HARD and unhappy existence, or happy and always getting lucky, one of my son’s, ALWAYS happy, always positive, always winning, whatever he does, at anything, sport, betting (The odd £1 accumulator bet here and there) and winning £200 etc

Always smile, BELIEVE things won’t break, and they won’t, KNOW your kids will be safe and they will, believe you will be financially secure, you will be, you follow?

Today was a VERY stressful day, not a big deal but it was stressful and both Dawn and I felt it. The SKY TV Box has broken, a key on my new Laptop broke from the machine and we have issues with a few other things, first thing I thought was “Frame of mind” My car key also is giving me annoying times and the dog shat on a rug

Is it possible we can THINK ourselves to a good or bad life? almost a Matrix type existence? At Christmas you can FEEL the warmth from people, opening doors for each other, everyone in a good, the “Spirit of Christmas” We all feel it, Valentines day we may feel it also, 9/11 we all felt sad and cried, is there something to individual and global thinking?

More love, less hate

Shaun

Most Likes in One Day

 

No idea what this is, followers or liking my blog.

Again, I am left scratching my head at why people would like or follow my blog. Some people have been here years and I have more and that’s not fair. I have never been one to take a compliment as MANY will know, especially the people I have on Skype and Facebook from here.

240 likes of my blog? Or 240 likes of a blog or some blogs? I am unsure.

Over 1,000 followers, I did these 10 days ago when I reached 60,000 hits on my blog http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/2013/08/01/60000-hits-on-my-blog-thank-you/ it is now 64,068 as I type this. I was sitting having a cup of Tea with Dawn trying to not cry (Yeah big baby 🙂 ) over how sore I am, walk earlier catching up, when this popped up (Picture above) And I said to Dawn, why are people following, reading and liking my Blog? I don’t get it. I read some blog, PROPER poets and writers and they blow my mind away.

So I will ask, please, what is it about my blog people like? You know I am not all big headed or boasting “Anyone who knows me longer than a few Month will know this” I take myself less serious here than I do anywhere else. I have fun here. I try and help people in pain by giving them some words as I live in agony myself, I post pictures, I just post random stuff. When I say I don’t get it, PLEASE I truly mean that. I get 1, 300 emails a day, I made a bookmark folder and I try HARD to visit blogs who interact with mine. I do try …

Thank you

More love, Less Hate

Shaun (Your Scottish buddy in a skirt)

I miss my Dad

My Dad, aged 66! 

 

The Man in the picture above is my Father, my best mate, my soul mate (In Scotland, soul mates don’t mean lovers or partners) he is my phone call when I need to make on, he is there when I am down, he is there when I am happy, he allows me to cry when I am sad

I will never see him again, my Daughters will never know “Gaga” as all the other 10 Grand Kids call him, still some are aged 20+ they call him Gaga. Circumstances out of both our control mean we can’t see each other ever again. I cry about it, whe speak every day on the phone for hours, we speak about everything, we speak about the past when he was the main man in Edinburgh and ran the City in his Criminal empire, we talk about how now he fosters kids and how he is no longer an angry man, this was my Dad when he was bad lad.

You just didn’t fuck with him, strangers who did, paid. Wrong, he knows it now. But the way it was..

I said to him a few weeks ago “Your anger was just misplaced passion” He started to cry, he is a strong man, he is Hundreds of miles away on an Island, away out the way of society, a society he once ruled and owned. He still would kill, i know he would. Should someone hurt me, my Brothers of Sisters, or the Grandkids or our Partners, he would pick the phone up and get someone murdered. I am guess of course, and perhaps joking, but he still holds this Authority in Edinburgh.

He was well known, but your average man on the street didn’t know him, he was VERY CLEVER, he let idiots do his work and make his money back 30/40/50 years ago. He never brought trouble to our home apart from the trouble he caused. Logic (I hate that word) should tell me to hate him, but He is happy and Mother is happy, so life and people have moved on. He showered me with love, I was his youngest Son, big thigns were expected from me and I left the family to chase my love for Dawn and my Football dream.

http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/2013/06/25/my-greatest-story-of-love-the-woman-who-saved-my-life/

http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/2013/06/08/the-football-story-i-never-told/

Had I been anyone else I would not have been allowed to walk away, this is the rule. He said at the time “You go take on the World” He said other things, he was almost hurt, but he didn’t want me to be him, as I was trying to be, so I think deep down he was happy I choose another path that didn’t lead to blood or jail.

I just need to tell the World about a man I love so much, I pine for in my life, I won’t see again, my Son’s know and miss him, my Daughter will know about him when they are older. He is 67 fit as a fiddle, still looks 50 year old, people call him Peter Pan, and in the Photo above you can see why. I am his double people say, but he is my Dad. I have to avoid people to this day because I am his son, but being his son gives me 24/7 protection in my daily life (Hard to explain and I won’t)

Patrick @ http://pifuk67.wordpress.com once posted this for his Dad, Patrick I hope I can post this, I know you won’t mind.

This is for you Dad “Auld Yin, Old One” as we call him 🙂

My  love for you will never leave this body, you made me who I am by allowing me to move on, I am thankful for your advice and you allowing me to walk. And for being an amazing Gaga to my sons and for loving Dawn also. I miss you Dad…

Just one last things, 2 year ago, we all visited..

My Dad, he took me a 10 mile walk a few years back, nearly killed me!

 

Worst Pain Ever Today – I am almost done

 

I am almost fucking done; I have been in so much pain today I just want to go to sleep. I have been awake around 18 hours now, I had 10mg of Morphine, took most of the pain away but not enough to knock me out.

My spine, my ribs, my hip especially where I put the arrow, my hamstring is BURNING and I feel sick, have done all day. I am really at the stage where I just want knocked out for a few days, a mate was just down visiting he seen the pain I was in, I asked him to hit me in the back of the head with a baseball bat, he laughed I never, this is fucking outrageous, unfair and for anyone scamming the Government with pretend pain, I hope you all get caught, sorry, just the mood I am in

I am barking at people, (Nobody in my house) I lay in bed WASTED on Morphine re-watching World War Z, finished watching it and done the blog below then took more Morphine that will kick in roughly 5 minutes from now. I feel every bone in my body is like it is twisted or on fire, my right hip and entire left knee are in total spasm, and the pain is DESTROYING ME

It is my Daughter’s birthday in a few days and I just know I am going to have to wear the pain mask all day again, I appreciate people when they say “I pray for you” but right now, I know, you know and everyone knows praying WILL NOT take my pain away. This is pain typing here; this is medication kicking in typing here. If you are offended I am sorry, but all the prayer on EARTH will do nothing for me right this very second. I am not blaming God, I am saying “Praying for this moment to pass is a waste of time” It is getting worse. I can’t go to the hospital  as they will do nothing, all the medication they have to give me, I have in my cabinet on my Kitchen wall above my sink.

I can’t and won’t take this pain any more; I am in a very selfish place right now

Been here before, and I don’t like it. In-fact been here almost 15 years, I don’t like me when I am like this, I snap at people, never Dawn for the kids. And no matter where I sit, lay down, hang from, bath, shower, even drive fast at 150mph, the pain stays. I am near the end of a rope here. I truly am, the dark cloud has arrived, there are no answers, there is no help, no medication will help, I can”t fall asleep, I am wasting away going from chair to chair, from room to room. I can’e keep doing this, I would love 1 minute with a man who said I faked my pain about 18 months ago, just 1 minute. I know, you know this isn’t me speaking, this is all out pain, depression and suffering typing. it took me a while as I can hardly see the screen as I am seeing double with being tired, I just can’t sleep, I tried, I can’t take a sleeping tablet when I have had Morphine

If I was a horse I would have been shot in the head already

FUCK!

Then what

I could take a life (I am not being serious)

Fucking hell!!

My two Sons – One is hurting tonight

Brotherly love?

 

I do a lot of blogs about Dawn and my Daughters and I guess I never blogged about my son’s as they asked me not to, lol

Tonight one got a broken heart. His partner finished with him. He came home in bits. The only good thing is he is still very young and will learn from this. I just hugged him for a good half hour as his broken heart hurt mine. His brother also came through and gave him a hug; this on its own broke my heart, brothers who are there for each other.

He then spent an hour cuddled up to his mum, in tears still till he fell asleep. We walked him through to his bed and he is asleep now. I think he knew it was coming but didn’t want to admit it to himself. He kept asking “What have I done” I replied “Nothing buddy” I blog about their little sisters a lot, but tonight I am blogging this for me. Both of my sons work, both are very nice people, neither talk or gossip, something I gave them a hard time for at aged 10 or so “Never lower yourself in life where you allow another to take up your thinking” it took a while, after a few years the message got through. As “Dad” you are always the bad guy lol, there are no rules, no guidelines for us as parents in how do deal with things.

I remember when they were 6/7/8 years old I was very hard on them, would never raise my hands, but if they left a light on, or left a cup/plate or mess of any kind I would ground them for a night. I remember a friend, who I am still friends with now saying “Maybe you shouldn’t” and as a friend he was just being a friend. I said at the time, “Judge them when they are men” I think I did a good job as did Dawn of course. We were happy, discipline was there, but it is there with the girls. We all bring kids up different

I am proud of them both; they excel at what they do. They really don’t have to work full time, but I make them, no matter how much money I have, they must learn what earning money is, what it is like at the end of the month to be able to buy a £300 tablet or £400 on clothes, whatever, they have the freedom now to be what they want to be. As any of us here who are parents will say there are no rule books on parenting, just moments to deal in my oldest son Dean suffers from Seizures and takes Epilim daily, and he has not had a seizure since being on the medication. His last one I thought he had had died, it happened in a Dr’s room when I refused to leave the room as I knew he was seizing, just a slight twitch, the Dr wasn’t have it, this was Friday 5pm the poor woman wanted to go home, I said “We leave when I know he is ok, I am sorry” she then just confused him with questions till it induced the seizure

Dean, a man of the ladies

To say standing there watching your Son fight for his life was hard is an understatement, he has had 5 seizures now, so when he leaves he house, we worry. As you do.

My youngest Son Ryan in a terrific Soccer player but has had a broken foot issue now for 2 seasons, it just won’t heal, the Dr’s have checked it. And he really is fine, it needs complete rest for a while, so I hope he can. He wants football as bad as I do the kid. He works about 50 hours a week, and is a very happy young lad, like his brother spends a lot of time with his Sisters and is a brilliant kid, I am so proud of him for becoming the man he is at 19, he is well grounded and has morals an more to match, like his brother he is a gentleman. I think I taught them both well, treat a woman with honesty and the truth and be true to yourself. And they both do. Ryan wants to get back to football Badly where he was scoring 70 goals a season and was courted by all the big teams in Scotland, he just needs to get this foot sorted, then he can get back playing football with his buddies. This is my son Ryan’s football page where he was blogging about his football  http://www.youthfootballscotland.co.uk/news-a-media/yfs-blogs/1024-stepping-into-a-junior-club

Ryan after he broke his foot, it just wasn’t happening for him, here, you can see from his face he knows it is still sore. But he needs to believe we can both go do football again, and Dean won’t miss a game, our biggest fan he is

 

Love you both lads, and don’t worry about idiots who think blogging or  expressing yourself is wrong, they are the idiots. You two keep doing what you are doing, and life will draw its own path for you, a happy one , where we will be best mates still, I ma best mates with my sons, it was not always this way, but kids growing up can be hard work, now, we are best friends, the three of as are very close, and we protect the ladies in our house and love them.

I am a proud Dad tonight

Again I open my heart up and spill it onto a website seen by a handful of people in the UK,  but these 2 lads, same as their sisters and Mum are 2 well looked after young men, it comes with what being in my family bring. It isn’t all bad, but it brings a safety and a support base that I don’t think any family takes for granted. Their Uncle, my Brother is their best mate, he is always there for both of them, so we are a tight unit, my sons know right from wrong though, but still do what 19 and 21 year old kids do, I hope

 

How do you value Money?

I hope this blog’s intentions are debated they way I intended the blog to be. This blog isn’t about having money, or being poor; it’s a moral question of “How do you value money”

For me Money is evil, I hate it and it makes people to horrendous things. When I was 16 my Dad was a Millionaire, he was loaded. I am comfortable myself. I never used to be.

But I hate money. It made my Mum and Dad split up. I hate money because it changes nice people into “Keeping up with the next Door neighbour” type of people. “They got double glazing, we must get treble glazing” This is how money works wish some

Our world is FUCKED because of money, there is NO argument you can throw at me to sway me on this one. It is about Money and Power our World. So if we are to speak in a Moral way, Money is a hateful thing that can cause hatred and worse, people will becomes Evil for a few pounds/Dollars/Euros

But we all need some. I know a person who had NOTHING once, he then had it all, and killed himself, and the money ruined him. If you are not born into REAL MONEY it will and can ruin you. I have some money. I am careful with it. But I made a vow to Dawn that I would give her a roof over her head and feed our kids, I kept that promise, same as most Men do.

I waste money, I am terrible with it. This month I bought a £400 Laptop and a £300 Samsung Tablet. Sheer stupidity, because I did not need either, because I live in pain, I often spend to make me pain free for a few hours, that is all it does, gives me a few hours of pain relief because my mind is all focused on my “New thing” You should have seen me when I got my 62 Inch TV! I was like a child. My mate Davie has a bigger TV and he is a bastard for it (Joking if you are reading Dave, lol)

In a world fast running out of the resources needed to keep the people on it alive I wonder if these rich greedy bastards will eat their money when there are no fish left in the sea and nothing left to eat, as this is the way it is going. I grew up with a picture, my Dad had it my whole childhood. It was this one here below, I can’t believe I found this, I grew up seeing this ever day

As I was a kid and my Dad would throw £10 at me most days I often thought “That is Ironic Dad” but I guess as I got older and he got older we both talk about it now and I get it now. He wasn’t a Money greedy man; he did actually work for it. It was what he did when he had it, but that is another blog.

I know some people sit at their PC and complain they are poor. Ahh, now wait. Sit at a PC, Online and say they are poor. You see the Irony there. If you are so poor, don’t have internet, cut your cloth to suit your needs would be something someone else might say, NOT ME! I am paraphrasing here, but your Government, I know mine in the UK will tell us this. You have the internet, a roof, food, so you have enough, while they go and do illegal oil and arm’s deal’s and make money WHILE IN OFFICE. How fucked up. Go check Dick Chayne and George Bush and Halliburton and try not to be angry. I know how much my Country makes because of our Oil fields.

This here is fucking poor, an Iconic picture of the reality of what money has done to us as a species, it is wrong, it is backwards, the WORLD did live  aid 30 years ago, each year the UK alone raises $100M to help Africa, I know other nations do also. We see the odd clip of how it helps, but BILLIONS have been raised, TAX FREE to give to  Africa, why are we still giving when, for example, The USA just gave a Muslim Country $1Billion in Aid? Backwards yes? At the same time as my country take disabled benefit from EVERYONE, Even ex service men and woman. And the USA clamps down on food stamps. Something is VERY wrong with Money I hope you agree. Yeah we need it, but be careful what you wish for, if you are happy and managing, why fix something that is not broken. I know too many stories where money has ruined a person or a family, being happy is being happy. I have seen people who are unhappy, were given money, and then realised the lack of money was not the reason they were unhappy, they were just unhappy. Money may “may” give you peace of mind, but it won’t make you happy if you are not. There you get smart people who come across money and they use it with wisdom and change many lives.

LET’S DEFINE BEING POOR HERE

Next time you sit at your table to eat while watching TV ask yourself a simple question, what makes you happy, your money, or your family, me? I would sleep in a box in the street with my Family. Money is there, big deal, take it, I will still smile. I fucking do hate these bastard bankers who rob us all blind and then we bail them out with paying Tax, we pay tax on everything apart from breathing, I often wonder when that Tax will start. So how do you value money? Simple Question

More Love, Less Hate

My Greatest story of love, the woman who saved my life

Dawn the non-model, just a mother, no make up..

 

When I told this story here http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/2013/04/29/growing-up-with-a-criminal-family/ in the blog I said “An Event happened” and I was just asked by Mike over @ http://mustardseedbudget.wordpress.com/ what that Event was. I will be doing a 3,000 word guest blog for Melanie here http://deliberatedonkey.wordpress.com/ it will be published on July 2^nd at 8am Eastern Time USA

The Event was Dawn. I was 12; she was 10 years old when we met. She saw the violence, she seen me commit acts of violence, but she stayed by me, She seen something in me that was better than the angry young lad I was, this was when we were 16/18 years old when we were already parents. We never planned to be parents, but we can’t regret this.

Dean and Ryan outside their room

We had Dean (21 years old now) And Ryan who is 19 years old. We were young parents and throughout all this I was in and out of jail for serious crime. I said a few times I missed Dean and Ryan growing up, and how I did not want to miss a second of Courtney and Chloe growing up here just earlier:  http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/2013/06/25/5319/ I mean every word, I don’t want to miss a second this time round. Being in my late 30’s I believe in God and I am disabled badly with Chronic Pain Syndrome, I believe the pain I am in now is for the sins of my past, or the sins of my Father, but anyway.

Courtney and Chloe, just LOVE ’em

Dawn saved my life; we were friends for many years. Dawn was Posh, her family had money for the RIGHT REASONS, and I had money for the wrong reasons. So money was not her reason for wanting to change me. She seen something else, something I couldn’t and she didn’t give up, even though her Dad who is a nice guy I guess tried everything to pull his Daughter away from me. She kept seeing me; she sneaked out her house at 14 years old to see me. It was “Love at first sight” I remember I first seen her, and Dawn went on to do Magazine modelling, she just took my breath away, but it was her personality, the way she talked, her eyes, and more than captivated me. She thought my line was a chat up line. I said, after plucking up the courage for months, “I will spend the rest of my life with you” This is when we were say 13/15, And I knew I would, we still both go back to the exact spot I said it and just cuddle. I was going through Hell but it seemed like heaven looking back. I took a gamble one night, Dawn was going out with a lad, I kisser her DEEPLY in front of her boyfriend. I didn’t want to hurt the lad, I just wanted to make Dawn happy for life, we walked away with her boyfriend obviously unhappy and I said “I will be with you for the rest of my life” She smiled like it was some cheesy chat up line. Then I kissed her again, I remember it now, when I stopped kissing her, her eyes stayed closed for what seemed an eternity. She just said, “Don’t ever Hurt me” I replied “I wouldn’t know how to hurt you”

Dawn is my hero, my rock, my night my day, my light my dark, my reason and my reasoning, she is my thinking and my thoughts. The picture above is all she will allow me to post. It is a few years old, say 4/5 years old now, so I have to respect that. But it was just UTTER LOVE, I have only been in love once, I have never known another woman’s love. I have had sex with other woman before Dawn, but there was no love. Dawn was different, and she saved me. She just saved me. She stopped me being a criminal and helped turn me into love. She now cares for me every day with my pain. When I kiss her now It is like our first kiss, when I look into her eyes, it is like the first time I seen her, when we make love, it is like the first time. I try and explain we NEVER argue and nobody believes me, we don’t, we don’t even debate harshly, we are best friends to this day. We are friends first. She is a joy. And I am the luckiest man alive to have a woman who is just Amazing to me. She is courageous and brave for taking me; her Dad still doesn’t like me. I did an appalling thing last Christmas, I hit him. He hit me 4 times and I didn’t want to hit back, but the punch I gave him was 25 years in the making. He needs to understand I am a different guy now, I gave him 4 beautiful Grandkids and gave his daughter a life where she wants for nothing, and she is spoilt. She wants something, it’s hers, and there is no price I won’t pay for Dawn. You can’t buy love, but she has a brilliant life, she is happy. After I hit her Dad all the memories of me being a criminal came flooding back, I though “I have blown it here” But I walked in the house crying, she looked at me, cried and hugged me and said “It’s ok”

And things were ok, she spoke to get Dad and he said sorry for hitting me and all was ok. But I do regretted hitting him, He is an old man, but I am a disabled lad, when I get hit I don’t feel it as I am already in pain and on medication. Old Shaun appeared for a split second, but still, she understood, she didn’t hate me for it, I couldn’t and still don’t understand why. I mean I hit her Dad. She forgave me on the spot. And Dawn is the boss of this house, she has no need to ever fear me, after 30 years, she knows I would never harm her, not a hair on her head. I protect her. She gets hit on a lot when we are out, I just say “Fuck off” When the man/lad whoever realises who I am, 99.99% of the time, he will say sorry, only a handful of times, when we were younger did I have to throw a punch to protect her, but violence is not the answer. Neither Dawn or I drink any more or go up the town, we know it will just cause issues with both us getting hit on, so we leave it out. Besides in out mid/late 30’s, night clubs get boring. And I know all the owners, and we get offered VIP all the time, but nah, we are happy to keep it real. The life I led, I love home, but should Dawn want to go out with her friends, I worry she will get hit on, but I don’t worry about her trust. But she is free as a bird to fly and live. No Woman should be kept in a house like a prize. I go over this in my Guest blog dated at the top. A man should treat a woman with respect, always

I could go on and on and on, but Dawn saved me, and I like to think I gave her something no other man could. That will remain a secret between Dawn and me, but I give her things no other man can. I treat her like no other man can. I cry she likes this side of me. I am “Real” I am “Me” and from the age of 10 she seen this, and I think today she sees the same thing. A lost boy looking for something, because deep down I am still that lost boy, I am just in pain now. But I don’t let the pain come between us.

I love you sweetheart, thank you for everything, thank you for giving me sense, love, and tenderness and 4 kids. And you x

People say I share too much of my life and give too much away, but we are safe. This is what I still bring to the table here. Safety, I can protect them all, from anything. This is no brag or being all “Gangster” We are safe, I am not criminal any more, but I know many. They are friends, they know I would say fuck off if they asked me to be the old Shaun, so they don’t ask. Some are jealous of what I have, because they are just scum to be fair. But the safety I can offer my family is something else. Hard to explain. But it is there. 

Sometimes I blog about pain and when I am down, and they are true, this page allows me to say what I feel and be true to myself. It is my corner of the world where I can just type what is on my mind without giving a shit who reads it. If my family read it (Hi By the way) so be it. This is my sanctuary now I am disabled with pain. But I guess my real sanctuary is in Dawns heart.

I always say a song, it’s with the Lyrics, this song says it all what Dawn did for me, the Lyrics are embedded in the song, I hope you get it, I kissed her in-front of her boyfriend to get her, “All is fair in love and War” 😉

WHAT IS ON YOUR PLATE AT NIGHT? WAN’T TO DEBATE POPULATION CONTROL?

YOU!!! EAT THIS!!!!

 

The fight against Monsanto has heated up like never before, especially with the recent March Against Monsanto and other campaigns that have been rooted in similar activism. But the simple reality is that it doesn’t take a PHD to realize how Monsanto’s genetic manipulation of the food supply is an assault on the health of the world — an experiment to which we do not know the full extent of the damage. Instead, as 11-year-old Birke Baehr shows us, it simply takes a bit of research.

 

The food we all eat every day, is unsafe, its covered in CHEMICALS. The sign above, don’t deny it’s truth, PLEASE! Wake up to the truth, I will LET an 11 year old kid explain this for me, as he seems qualified to do so.  PLEASE, TAKE THE TIME TO UNDERSTAND WHAT THE MESSAGE IS HERE. Listen to this kid, look at your plate . Look at the picture at least. Lets ALL get our heads out the sand here people. We MUST wake up. I asked in a previous thread “Why are we all getting ill”  http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/2013/05/24/why-are-we-all-ill/

If I am not going to speak about my health any more, then allow me, please, to help you understand why you are ill and people are DYING….

This is the truth

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genetically_modified_food  WAKE UP, BUY LOCAL. WE ARE THE 99% WE OWN THEM, THEY DON’T OWN US 

WOW>> An ll year old kid SCHOOLS us all, if you haven’t got the time, SHAME ON YOU! My kids went to school, do did yours, but mine were educated on all this at home.  Were yours? or were you “too busy” ? WAKE UP, WAKE UP, WAKE UP! Want to talk about greed? want to debate wealth? want to know what you eat every day is unsafe to go near when its being grown, but ok when its on your place, well God Damn, it’s like magic

 

DON’T JUST LIKE THIS!!! WATCH THIS, DEBATE THIS WORD PRESS !! WE CAN CHANGE!! BLOGGERS FOR PEACE? YOU IN IT? THIS IS FOR YOU!!!!!! 

 

Do you know where your lunch came from?

 

This is why I play this video, ITS THE SAME  GOD DAMM THING!!