MP3 Blog I did, please read to check out Tony’s site and order CD

This blog I did today http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/2013/08/27/leaving-your-body-and-mind-through-an-mp3-i-was-given/ was for Tony Burkinshaw @ http://postsofhypnoticsuggestion.wordpress.com/

This is Tony here

Tony Burkinshaw

In the blog above I explained how Tony gave me an MP3 to listen to, I did for a month, and it changed a lot that was going in with my pain and my state of mind. I have added a contact for Tony to the right of this blog below my Music Player.

To contact Tony email him to enquiries@tonyburkinshaw.co.uk

To visit his site to discuss getting this CD here is the URL http://tonyburkinshaw.co.uk/shop Relief for Chronic Pain Conditions

Tony asked me to try it for a month and I did, I don’t have the full CD but will pay for it. It changed me, it helped my pain. I a not getting paid for this, Tony read my blog, seen I was in pain and gave me a short MP3 to listen to. I  did for 10 minutes at 3pm every day, and over the weeks, Dawn and my sons noticed a change in me, I noticed a change in my pain, I was able to control it better. And I still need to listen to the CD for a while.

I know people are sceptical over internet help or therapy, but I did this for Tony, again the blog I did is here http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/2013/08/27/leaving-your-body-and-mind-through-an-mp3-i-was-given/ I like to think people here can trust me, please, if you are in pain, I ask you get in touch with Tony and PLEASE give this CD a try, what do you have to lose? I gained. I am not healed. far from it, but what I am is in a state where I can control my thoughts and pain better, and this is after just over a month of listening. I will blog again in a month or so do tell how it has helped me more. Tony is a FANTASTIC lad and he has helped me no end, a lot. I plead with anyone in pain to give this a shot, it helped me, I want to help anyone in pain, please give this a try, there is also a free phone number on his site. It worked for me. Many have said I have been better lately, blogging new things etc, I can only thank Tony

More love

Less hate

Shaun

Agony and tired Poem

I know this is a rubbish poem, but I am trying to work my mind to wake up

 

 

Legs are heavy like lumps of metal, eyes are heavy

My severe Pain is all over I feel I paid my levy

With legs like metal and so sleepy I feel unsteady

I just want to sleep, say good night because I am ready

 

I try to ignore it but I can’t so I write the pain away

But sadly the blues have come and beat me today

I feel like I haven’t slept for a week, I am so weak

Today at aged 40 I feel like an old battered antique  

 

What do I do, do I give in and go to bed, take the drugs?

Do I fight the heavy red eyelids and look for loving hugs

My mind feels like it’s someone else’s, one of a thug

I can’t think or feel today, there are no feelings of smug

 

Walking 10 feet from my laptop in the kitchen

Just to put the kettle on to make a cup of tea

Is like climbing a hill with one leg or climbing a tree

I feel like yesterday I walked from here to Dundee

 

My whole body aches like I just played football

Or spend the night before getting drunk at a dance hall

The truth is I spent yesterday watching TV on my lazyboy

I can honestly say this isn’t nice or cool there is no joy

 

Tomorrow is a new day, a day where things might be better

Maybe when I awake in a new day I will be a go getter

Perhaps if I am lucky and good I can write a love letter

Sadly I fear when I awake I know I will have had better

 

Pain and tiredness 

So let’s debate pain

Pain arrives to us all, everyone, like a thief in the night right?

Pain arrives in many differing forms, from body pain to grieving pain, one thing is sure, it hurts badly whatever for you have it, with my pain I just let it hit me, I gave up trying to beat it so just allowed it in and accepted it, not everyone is able to do that, but over time we must, or bad things happen

But what about other pain, pain of losing a loved one for example, my Aunt died 2 months ago, few month before my Uncle, it brought pain in many ways, I won’t explain, but this kind of pain can make people say and do things they would not usually say or do

The pain of finding out someone has, say, Cancer in your family can hit hard, I remember when my brother was told he had six months to live, it hit me like a train, this was many years ago now, he is still alive, he is my hero, the way he refused to allow this to eat him and destroy him was just amazing and one day, God showed me what a miracle was, he woke up one morning and the cancer had gone, he was down to 6 stone in weight

My nephew is in one of Scotland’s toughest prisons doing a long time for accidental murder to his friend, a kid I knew who’s like my nephew took, the jury seen it was an accident, as did the judge, but the issue surrounding why it happened in the first place was the reason he got so long in prison, this brought pain I had never felt before, I was his favourite uncle, and I was always trying to get him to change his path as I knew he would be killed or jailed, in the end, he lived, a friend died, so that was  pain

Another pain is watching your kids grow up and not being able to join in as normal Dads do, I can’t give my kids horseback rides or throw them in the air, and that brings pain and guilt, but I am here, we draw, do painting and puzzles, but this is a form of pain yeah? It is for me because of my pain

For me another pain is watching people you love suffer, my Mum suffers pain of her body and pain due to me, I don’t mean it, I remind her of my Dad perhaps, she scars are still there from the Childhood I had and the memories we both had to go through, if you have not read, please, feel free, this is my story, more pain http://deliberatedonkey.wordpress.com/2013/07/02/murder-and-more-through-the-eyes-of-a-child/ people think I am a nice guy, and I am, but this was not always the case, once not so long ago I seen pain every day, I can’t go into detail, but this causes me pain now, pain is a cycle, one pain can bring on another pain, the circle of life they say

What pain have you had to take? What pain do you live with? Please, share, let it out, it will do you no good keeping it locked up, so please, use this blog to share, if we do, this may happen

More love less hate

Shaun x

None of us are ever alone, truly alone

 

As I sit here in mild agony listening to Bryan Adams sipping on a cup of warm tea I made 20 minutes ago. It is 03:30, yet another night up alone, in pain, feeling a bit down and just wishing I had a normal sleeping pattern, “dream on big guy” I hear back in my mind from a voice I don’t recognise

See we were born to live and be around others, lately I have felt alone in a busy room, yesterday I was sitting here typing something, can’t remember what, and my son was standing speaking to me, then walked away, I broke my concentration to say “What? Sorry, did you say something” for Dawn to say, he was talking to you. That hurt me a LOT

See I don’t mean to be ignorant, I don’t mean to ignore people, the pain is sometimes that strong I have to turn parts off and just go with what I am doing. It is an skill I taught myself a while back, it helps me forget the pain, I just turn off a part in my brain, don’t ask what part and just do what I am doing, typing, writing, listening to music, watching TV

Then it dawned on my “Do I do this all the time” I hope I don’t, if I do what do my family think, do they think I have lost my marbles? My mind is the last thing I have that I can control, and I am just taking the pain away. This night I feel alone, as I type this everyone is sleeping, the window is open as it is hot and all I can see is tree’s, or the shadows from the trees, part of me when I typed that shat it, but I am hot, so the window stays open, it is like a scene from the Blair Witch Project my view, you do get used to it

So, if you read that above, and you are alone, you are not now, as Shaun is here alone also, we can be alone together, never be alone, if you are, write about it, don’t feel alone, you have choice, when I realised I had choice, things changed I guess, the only thing that stayed the same was the pain, I can block it out a bit, but if I stop to think about it, it hurts, it burns, it is almost alive inside me like another person dictating my thoughts, this is how I have got used to dealing with pain, looking at is as friend, should I do different and call it enemy, then it beats me, so friend it is. Even just typing that the pain spiked, but what should I do? Give in, or go on? I choose to go on 😉 x

In the meantime, we can be lost together

Shaun x

Eye Of The Tiger – My Story

 

I have to thank my friend a  woman I love as a friend, Pat @ http://plaintalkandordinarywisdom.com/ for this blog, Pat got me thinking… Thank you Pat x

When I was a kid most of you know my story now http://deliberatedonkey.wordpress.com/2013/07/02/murder-and-more-through-the-eyes-of-a-child/ this was the hardest blog I have ever done or will ever do. But I had to share it, I had to release it, I had to set the beast free from my mind

As a kid I did boxing and football, giving up boxing to play football. I got a horror injury as a kid and my knee was snapped, I tried to play on stupidly for a few years before having to stop playing the game I love. So instead of giving in I done all my 11 qualifications http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/2013/06/08/the-football-story-i-never-told/ I took myself and my teams to places we could only dream and as a manager I won 19 trophies in 15 amazing years. Then the bad news came a few months ago, news I already feared, I had to stop for good as the pain was killing me. So here I am writing about it all. Maybe one day I can beat the pain and go back and show life I won

People often ask me “How can you be so funny and open while in such pain” I guess it is because I have “The eye of the Tiger” See once you have that look in your eyes that will in your soul, that desire in your heart, you never lose it, and you don’t give up. Days will arrive that will test you, that day may win but the next day, you are there? Means you have won the day, you beat the feelings. I have the eye of tiger, I demand I live, I demand Shaun wins, I demand it from myself.

If you have not got this you may fail, I got these eyes at a young age for the WRONG reasons but turned these feelings around to WIN AND DO! If I can do it, so can you. As I was writing this all the emotion of winning and losing in football have flashed through my mind and a song was playing in my mind, playing loud to remind me of one thing

The game is not over, I still have to win

Eye of the tiger! Don’t give in to life, claw at it with your bare hands till you win, I am talking to you! Don’t give in, do, do, don’t stop!

5 Minute “Audio Blog” Me speaking about Pain x

Yes, this is Shaun lol

PLEASE listen, 5  minutes of me talking. more love, less pain, Shaun

To you all who live in pain, read and listen x

I know I am not alone in my pain be it physical or mental, I know when I blog I am blogging the same as thousands of others, so this blog is for us all who live in pain

I am around 15 years in pain, as I got older the pain got worse and it has peaked, but 2 days ago because the pain had dulled I took less medication for the two weeks it dulled, the pain came back and there was little to no pain relief in my system, it was awful, so if you live in pain and the pain goes for a day or two, please, take some medication, keep some in your system, but speak to your Dr first

I don’t know how some can go on, I know I have times where my mind says “I can’t go on” I guess we just need to be strong, or this happens http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/2013/08/04/no-human-should-have-to-live-like-this-so-unfair/ we end up alone and nowhere and in a really bad place. I am glad I blogged that, I scared a few people, but it was a cry for help, it was me saying “I can’t do this no more”

If you are ever there, please, talk to someone, blog it, pick up a phone, ANYTHING, because what I learn over the last two days is “I have more family and friends than I thought I did” It was unreal the calls I had and people visiting.  I was like “A phone call would have done” But people give a shit, and through all the pain and that blog, good happened. People now know, so that is good

Always speak to your Dr if you feel like the way I did in that blog. Suicide is real, it happens and you NEED to know there are other ways and you must speak. That blog saved not just my life but made me realise things I probably should have before the blog.

You are not alone, never, I came here to reach out, in the hope people reached back, and BOY did people reach back. Dawn my partner reads my blogs as do my sons and some of family and it lets them know how I am, I don’t have to tell them, they know, so blogging my SOUL has helped me in more ways that I can ever describe.

I often say “I want old Shaun back” Truth is, he was never away, he was always here, I learnt this over the last few days.

So please, keep on keeping on, if you reading this blog, you are not alone x

More love, less hate

Shaun

Another day has gone 
I’m still all alone 
How could this be 
You’re not here with me 
You never said goodbye 
Someone tell me why 
Did you have to go 
And leave my world so cold 

Everyday I sit and ask myself 
How did love slip away 
Something whispers in my ear and says 
That you are not alone 
For I am here with you 
Though you’re far away 
I am here to stay 

You are not alone 
I am here with you 
Though we’re far apart 
You’re always in my heart 
You are not alone 

All alone 
Why, oh 

Just the other night 
I thought I heard you cry 
Asking me to come 
And hold you in my arms 
I can hear your prayers 
Your burdens I will bear 
But first I need your hand 
So forever can begin 

Everyday I sit and ask myself 
How did love slip away 
Then something whispers in my ear and says 
That you are not alone 
For I am here with you 
Though you’re far away 
I am here to stay 
For you are not alone 
I am here with you 
Though we’re far apart 
You’re always in my heart 
And you are not alone 

Whisper three words and I’ll come runnin’ 
And girl you know that I’ll be there 
I’ll be there 

You are not alone 
I am here with you 
Though you’re far away 
I am here to stay 
You are not alone 
I am here with you 
Though we’re far apart 
You’re always in my heart 

You are not alone 
For I am here with you 
Though you’re far away 
I am here to stay 
For you are not alone 
For I am here with you 
Though we’re far apart 
You’re always in my heart 

For you are not alone

Good Morning, evening and good night

 

 

Hey

For the last 4 days or so the pain in my body has been awful. I would like to say sorry for this blog here http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/2013/08/04/no-human-should-have-to-live-like-this-so-unfair/

It was ill timed and stupid, the pain got the best of me at a time I was the only one up, had this been 3pm, Dawn or someone would have been around to help. I was alone, and in a stupid place in my mind. I have had emails from family, friends and people who read my blog and some of them were honest. So I will say sorry. But listen, sometimes we all just have to get stuff out our mind and onto a site or whatever. This is all I was doing.

So, I hope wherever you are that you are ok and if I pissed you off, I am sorry x

Shaun

 

Heaven

No Human should have to live like this, so unfair

 

 

Fibromyalgia and chronic pain syndrome

I had around two weeks of no pain, middle of last week I felt my knee go then the rest of my body followed by Friday, last night and into the early hours of today (Sunday) the pain was extreme and unfair, I know other have it worse, my sons friend A-Jay who is 20 just got told he has weeks to live with Cancer, it has given them all a massive freight, there is about 50 of them all been friends since aged 5 and one of them will die, when I got told early this morning when my son came in from work I cried, I know the kid, I coaching him at football here in Scotland when he was 10, I know kids with MS, ME my own son suffers seizures, people die, I live in pain that is (I am told) the same as someone dying horribly on a death bed, THIS IS NOT FUCKING FAIR on any of us with this

It is 08:30AM as I write this, I think I managed 3 hours sleep then awoke screaming, awoke Dawn and the kids, all got back to sleep. My right hip had locked. I lay on my left side with the laptop on the stand to the left of my bed so I can connect to my network and watch a movie or TV show, so how the pain got to the hip facing up the way with no pressure got that much pain I don’t know

This is:

Unfair

Unkind

Relentless

Unfair

Impossible

Hard

The list is endless.

I am tired, very tired. I hardly sleep due to this pain, I look in the mirror and I see a fit young man, I turn around and he goes away and is replaced by a frail man who has so many issues it is ridiculous, these disabilities give you pain but they take so much from us. I say us for the people I know with this bastard pain from Word Press and other sites and in real life

I love my life, I live like a King in the sense I ask for nothing. I know when I say this people get all upset but it is true. Some type “I am poor with nothing” I type “I have money and ask for nothing” But turn the coin around, I live every second of every fucking day in pain, the money, take it all. It means nothing to me, I just know my kids will never want, ever, I made sure through being a clever person how to make money, how to keep money, if you are poor turn off the internet and stop drinking, live with what you got as I did for a good 10 years till I was 30 when we had a “Bread or Milk” dilemma most Sunday’s, we were SHIT POOR  BROKE, I was lucky, but again, I live in pain, all I can do is buy shit to cheer me up and make my life comfy, well done me and THANK FUCK I got something going for me!

I can’t do this anymore; I have all my tablets in front of me, over 300 and a small bottle of Vodka. I am tempted, I truly am. I refuse to live as a cripple any longer, so do I take my life and stop being a burden to my family and every on the internet who things I am a prick? Why not eh, lol

I am crying for Dawn and my kids just looking at these tablets, I am on the edge here, I am alone, and I can’t see the screen for tears and pain.

I can’t do this anymore, I am a good man, I treat people how I want treated, I didn’t ask for this

More love, less hate

Be good to each, don’t gossip, don’t be idiots, be kind, be gentle with each other, don’t sit in groups judging, go and live your life, be happy, realise what life is, realise how lucky you are, and realise people like me are taking their own life all over the world every day. Be human, have humanity, KNOW LOVE, UNDERSTAND LOVE, BE LOVE

I am so sorry, to Dawn, I am sorry honey, I can’t do this anymore, and x I love you more, I am just useless, I am a burden to you all, everyone babe x

Shaun