The rewards of being a parent and watching your kids grow

 

Courtney (4) and Chloe (3)

 

Dean (21) and Ryan (19)

I have many friends, some married, living with a partner, male or female, some single, and a few always say “I will never have kids” I try and explain how it would change their life for the better, even if they have a good life. One friend (In-fact, my ex Brother in-Law) always said no kids, but is now a father and loves every second, his kid is nearly 2 or so now, changed his life in ways he can’t explain

I was a Father at 18, I got it right, 100% 18 years old I was, time makes you unsure of times and dates, Dawn was 16, we got a flat that was a cracking flat in a not bad area, it was rented and it was paid for by our parents for a while till we got on out feet, I was in and out of the jail at this time so nobody was going to buy us a house and let us pay them back, so I had to get my shit together, I remember when Dean was 2 and Ryan was just about to be born and I was sitting in a jail cell knowing I was getting home that day, and I sat crying and made a promise I would never see these unforgiving walls again, nor would I do what I had been doing, all I knew, many have read the story, I have 200 new followers or so since I did a guest blog for Mel here http://deliberatedonkey.wordpress.com/2013/07/02/murder-and-more-through-the-eyes-of-a-child/ In this blog I explain how I got to be sitting in a jail cell through a childhood that was horrific as it was good fun, I am not going to lie, having £50 in your pocket aged 12 was good, and at 12 years old you know now better, anyway…..

Being a Father so young no doubt saved my life, and the love of my partner helped, then Ryan came alone and we all lived happily ever after. I wasn’t there for the boys when they were babies, but I SURE made up for it when they were 4 and 2 years old, I started to play football with them, in the end I was the manager of both their School football teams, so I wasn’t making up for lost time, or making up for guilt, I was doing the right thing, in the end helping them in football led me to be this guy “Shaun the football guy” a REAL big deal for me for obvious reasons http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/2013/06/08/the-football-story-i-never-told/

I had stopped being “Someone” and was known as “Shaun the football guy” and in that blog there are pictures of me and both my sons, we did it together, we never missed a game, Ryan was the football player, he played every Saturday and Sunday and Dean, Dawn (My Partner) and I did not miss one game when Dean played and then when Ryan started to play, what an experience being a Dad to two boys is, I could have said was, but it is still an experience, but for the best part of 12 years we never missed one of Ryan’s games, we would go and support, at the same time I was manager of teams myself, they would all come to my game also, it was a time when the 4 of us just were FOOTBALL, FOOTBALL and more football, we even went to big games in big stadiums, it was what we did, Dawn is a football coach also with Level 1 as she wanted to start a girls team, it worked out she still may be able to

Fast forward to 5 years ago and Dawn got pregnant after a few tries and Courtney was born, for the first time ever, with a 4 day old baby, Dawn couldn’t come to see her Son play football, it was the same day we (The team I ran at the time) could win the league, Dawn said to Ryan “Score some goals and win the league for your sister, he scored 3 in a 4-0 win and we won the league “That was a moment as a Father”

Ryan aged 15 scoring his 2nd goal to win the league for his team

We got home, the parents had all given me parcels, we were a tight bunch, the players for Fernieside and the parents with Dawn, Dean, and obviously Ryan the top striker and me as manager, again, moments, I cried when I got home, I saw my son, with my other son present, who cried also, score the goals to win is a BIG league title days after I was father to a Daughter, this is why you be a parent, not football, but moments, you can’t buy moments, you have to work for them. Courtney grew older, then Chloe came alone and a family of 4 became a family of 6 and you know, nothing really changed, we still have fun, we still do family things, we go for meals, we all go to the Zoo, whatever, both my Son’s have partners, Ryan’s Partner I love like a Daughter in Law already, they have been going out 3 years, so the family is no 7 strong, just in the house on an average day. These days the boys are out working, but at night the 4 of us, Dean, Ryan, Dawn and I, and sometimes Ryan’s Partner will sit and watch the football or a movie, and I smile because I am happy, the girls are asleep and we have fun. Then in the morning the girls get up and this is where the REAL fun happens, this morning I got up with them both at about 7am, but we did drawing, they wanted chocolate spread on toast and we sat and watched the Smurfs 2 and Dawn got a well deserved stay in bed, after all the day before she had spend hundreds of pounds on clothes for herself and the girls.

Don’t want to be a parent? I would not have it any other way

Dawn

LIFE IS GOOD, I MAY BE IN PAIN, AGONY 24/7, BUT I AM ONE BLESSED MAN, WITH A LIFETIME OF MEMORIES ALREADY, AND I KNOW THERE IS MUCH, MUCH MORE TO COME

Parenthood is a thing we do that has no word, love, yeah, but the real word to describe being a tight, loving family, you know, I don’t have a word for, but if you have young kids, PLEASE, enjoy every second, every moment and treasure it as if it the last day you will have together, these moments are what define us as people and dictate how our lives go and in what direction we grow as Parents

More love, Less Hate

Shaun

My two Sons – One is hurting tonight

Brotherly love?

 

I do a lot of blogs about Dawn and my Daughters and I guess I never blogged about my son’s as they asked me not to, lol

Tonight one got a broken heart. His partner finished with him. He came home in bits. The only good thing is he is still very young and will learn from this. I just hugged him for a good half hour as his broken heart hurt mine. His brother also came through and gave him a hug; this on its own broke my heart, brothers who are there for each other.

He then spent an hour cuddled up to his mum, in tears still till he fell asleep. We walked him through to his bed and he is asleep now. I think he knew it was coming but didn’t want to admit it to himself. He kept asking “What have I done” I replied “Nothing buddy” I blog about their little sisters a lot, but tonight I am blogging this for me. Both of my sons work, both are very nice people, neither talk or gossip, something I gave them a hard time for at aged 10 or so “Never lower yourself in life where you allow another to take up your thinking” it took a while, after a few years the message got through. As “Dad” you are always the bad guy lol, there are no rules, no guidelines for us as parents in how do deal with things.

I remember when they were 6/7/8 years old I was very hard on them, would never raise my hands, but if they left a light on, or left a cup/plate or mess of any kind I would ground them for a night. I remember a friend, who I am still friends with now saying “Maybe you shouldn’t” and as a friend he was just being a friend. I said at the time, “Judge them when they are men” I think I did a good job as did Dawn of course. We were happy, discipline was there, but it is there with the girls. We all bring kids up different

I am proud of them both; they excel at what they do. They really don’t have to work full time, but I make them, no matter how much money I have, they must learn what earning money is, what it is like at the end of the month to be able to buy a £300 tablet or £400 on clothes, whatever, they have the freedom now to be what they want to be. As any of us here who are parents will say there are no rule books on parenting, just moments to deal in my oldest son Dean suffers from Seizures and takes Epilim daily, and he has not had a seizure since being on the medication. His last one I thought he had had died, it happened in a Dr’s room when I refused to leave the room as I knew he was seizing, just a slight twitch, the Dr wasn’t have it, this was Friday 5pm the poor woman wanted to go home, I said “We leave when I know he is ok, I am sorry” she then just confused him with questions till it induced the seizure

Dean, a man of the ladies

To say standing there watching your Son fight for his life was hard is an understatement, he has had 5 seizures now, so when he leaves he house, we worry. As you do.

My youngest Son Ryan in a terrific Soccer player but has had a broken foot issue now for 2 seasons, it just won’t heal, the Dr’s have checked it. And he really is fine, it needs complete rest for a while, so I hope he can. He wants football as bad as I do the kid. He works about 50 hours a week, and is a very happy young lad, like his brother spends a lot of time with his Sisters and is a brilliant kid, I am so proud of him for becoming the man he is at 19, he is well grounded and has morals an more to match, like his brother he is a gentleman. I think I taught them both well, treat a woman with honesty and the truth and be true to yourself. And they both do. Ryan wants to get back to football Badly where he was scoring 70 goals a season and was courted by all the big teams in Scotland, he just needs to get this foot sorted, then he can get back playing football with his buddies. This is my son Ryan’s football page where he was blogging about his football  http://www.youthfootballscotland.co.uk/news-a-media/yfs-blogs/1024-stepping-into-a-junior-club

Ryan after he broke his foot, it just wasn’t happening for him, here, you can see from his face he knows it is still sore. But he needs to believe we can both go do football again, and Dean won’t miss a game, our biggest fan he is

 

Love you both lads, and don’t worry about idiots who think blogging or  expressing yourself is wrong, they are the idiots. You two keep doing what you are doing, and life will draw its own path for you, a happy one , where we will be best mates still, I ma best mates with my sons, it was not always this way, but kids growing up can be hard work, now, we are best friends, the three of as are very close, and we protect the ladies in our house and love them.

I am a proud Dad tonight

Again I open my heart up and spill it onto a website seen by a handful of people in the UK,  but these 2 lads, same as their sisters and Mum are 2 well looked after young men, it comes with what being in my family bring. It isn’t all bad, but it brings a safety and a support base that I don’t think any family takes for granted. Their Uncle, my Brother is their best mate, he is always there for both of them, so we are a tight unit, my sons know right from wrong though, but still do what 19 and 21 year old kids do, I hope

 

I pray to God to be Daddy

Having little 2 little girls, as me  and partner did, 4 years ago on Saturday for my oldest Daughter Courtney and 3 years at the end of July for my youngest Daughter Chloe was an amazing thing, the love these 2 bundles of joy have given us all has been nothing short of a miracle

They have both taught me more about myself, life and love than any 2 little people could ever do. Only something a Daddy could know. I have done a few blogs on Mums lately, and it got me thinking. I suffer from Chronic Pain Syndrome and it hurts me badly inside I can’t be Daddy all the time. I feel like old frail Granddad some days. I am in so much pain I just can’t play the throwing up in the air game at all and if I try the whole family worries, so I had to stop, the medication I am trying to stop, period, does not help, when on full medication Daddy is not Daddy, he hides away in shame

I can hold them and cuddle them, but little girls want to be throw in the air by Daddy and run at Daddy and jump on him. Some days I let them run all over me and jump on me and use me as a trampoline and a punching bag, it leaves me in pain, but a good pain, a worthwhile pain

Not being able to be Daddy destroys me to my core and upsets me more than the pain I suffer on a daily basis. The thought of “Were we right to have two babies” has came into our thoughts, but we didn’t know the pain was going to get as bad, and we rubbish this thought quicker than it entered our heads. I am speaking about Mummy and I here, I would not change a thing, and I just pray every day that god takes my pain so I can be Daddy, why doesn’t he answer? It is his will on me? Is he testing me? I have been tested, I beg you God, let me be Daddy before they become too old to want to be thrown in the air, I beg you God, I hope you can hear me, I ask every day, maybe tomorrow?

The more I sit here upset the more I want to just be Daddy and go through the pain, and I do some days, I just think “To hell with this” and let them hurt my body. They are 2 and 4 years old, they don’t understand Daddy is sore; my 4 year old is starting to notice things. They can’t pray to God, so here I am God. I am pleading with you to take my pain away so two little princess girls can play with Daddy, in the same way their friends can. Will you answer my call on their behalf? I will ask tomorrow.

I am thankful for having them in my life, for the joy they bring, for the light they bring to my darkness for the care they give me when they cuddle into Daddy to watch the Smurfs. I am thankful for all the moments I have had and will have, but I just want to be regular Daddy. I have had Dawn and many more tell me I am, but I don’t feel so. I get told not to be silly, I don’t think I am being silly.

I love as much as a person could, believe me on this one, I care as much as a person could, believe me. I pray sometimes and ask God to keep all my kids fit and healthy. They are loved, they get attention and all their grandparents spoil them also, as do their big brothers with their little sisters

But I want to be more than the Daddy I am, so for now,  I will smile and be thankful for the blessings that I have. I say this often when I blog like this that Guilt follows. Some have lost their kids, I have mine, so I feel guilty for wanting a little more. Guilt comes to many people who have Pain in the way I have. I speak to hundreds who have this or Fibro and the constant theme is one of guilt. We moan while others have more to moan about or have less than we do

But I think to sum up here, being in pain, having a messed up mind, being on medication that could knock out a giraffe is hard. But others I know have it worse, so again with the guilt. I don’t want pity, I know God won’t answer my prayers today or tomorrow, I know I will never be able to throw them in the air, I have accepted it. By accepting this, I hurt myself, I get all sensitive and in touch with my feminine side I am told. But we all have a heart, I use mine. I just want more. Am I being greedy? Should I feel guilty and frown? Some days I know the answer, some days I don’t.

But, they will always be Daddy’s little girls x