Love this song for so many reasons, when I was a kid I watched my parents live this life (Boring I know, but let me finish) I know friends now who love this life, a life of hating each other, fighting, having loving moments, but always coming back to the pain. As I will make you bored again my saying Dawn and I never argue, we just don’t. Many find it hard to believe, but I wouldn’t live THAT LIFE after seeing it as a kid. So this song is for people in love, but who have hard times. Learn to count to 10, nothing is ever THAT BAD, Just love, be friends
In the blog above I explained how Tony gave me an MP3 to listen to, I did for a month, and it changed a lot that was going in with my pain and my state of mind. I have added a contact for Tony to the right of this blog below my Music Player.
Tony asked me to try it for a month and I did, I don’t have the full CD but will pay for it. It changed me, it helped my pain. I a not getting paid for this, Tony read my blog, seen I was in pain and gave me a short MP3 to listen to. I did for 10 minutes at 3pm every day, and over the weeks, Dawn and my sons noticed a change in me, I noticed a change in my pain, I was able to control it better. And I still need to listen to the CD for a while.
I know people are sceptical over internet help or therapy, but I did this for Tony, again the blog I did is here http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/2013/08/27/leaving-your-body-and-mind-through-an-mp3-i-was-given/ I like to think people here can trust me, please, if you are in pain, I ask you get in touch with Tony and PLEASE give this CD a try, what do you have to lose? I gained. I am not healed. far from it, but what I am is in a state where I can control my thoughts and pain better, and this is after just over a month of listening. I will blog again in a month or so do tell how it has helped me more. Tony is a FANTASTIC lad and he has helped me no end, a lot. I plead with anyone in pain to give this a shot, it helped me, I want to help anyone in pain, please give this a try, there is also a free phone number on his site. It worked for me. Many have said I have been better lately, blogging new things etc, I can only thank Tony
Sorry for getting all American in the Tittle, these things happen to idiots like me. so I will just say it like a good British person “Horray”
Good morning to the Eastern World. The West is still asleep, the lazy sods!
Yesterday I fractured my right ankle, spent most of it in bed, on Morphine and in a lot of pain. Still sore thins morning, but no medication as yet. I am happy to say there were NO Zombies or Lesbians. Although the Lesbian thing, I was kinda hoping for, but in a strange, “I didn’t really” kinda way. You know where I am going with this. For those confused, catch up, please
And here I am in a new day, a new dawn, and I am feeling good. My ankle is as swollen as a melon, but I am in pain anyway, so, good morning, and I leave you with a song to say “Good Morning” THIS!!! Is a morning song. You may wish to turn them speakers up, get up, dance a little and be happy you are breathing. I can’t as my ankle is fractured. But I am dancing while sitting. I was thinking of recording me dancing, but my hair is a mess, maybe another day.
I have done this once before, but I this is my blog and I am doing it again. To a Woman who just loves, cares and never judges. She is there for her kids and me. This is here job, this is how she see’s it. She never moans or gets annoyed or angry. She just “Loves” and helps. I wish I didn’t have to be like this, as she helps me too much, but that is what love is. We are not Married. Anyone on Facebook will see Dawn’s 2nd name, she is half Swedish, but born in the UK. Point I am making, we made the commitment and we see it through. That piece of paper means a lot to many, to Dawn and I, it means “A piece of paper” We love, we made the commitment, we had a family and we are happy.
The Man in the picture above is my Father, my best mate, my soul mate (In Scotland, soul mates don’t mean lovers or partners) he is my phone call when I need to make on, he is there when I am down, he is there when I am happy, he allows me to cry when I am sad
I will never see him again, my Daughters will never know “Gaga” as all the other 10 Grand Kids call him, still some are aged 20+ they call him Gaga. Circumstances out of both our control mean we can’t see each other ever again. I cry about it, whe speak every day on the phone for hours, we speak about everything, we speak about the past when he was the main man in Edinburgh and ran the City in his Criminal empire, we talk about how now he fosters kids and how he is no longer an angry man, this was my Dad when he was bad lad.
You just didn’t fuck with him, strangers who did, paid. Wrong, he knows it now. But the way it was..
I said to him a few weeks ago “Your anger was just misplaced passion” He started to cry, he is a strong man, he is Hundreds of miles away on an Island, away out the way of society, a society he once ruled and owned. He still would kill, i know he would. Should someone hurt me, my Brothers of Sisters, or the Grandkids or our Partners, he would pick the phone up and get someone murdered. I am guess of course, and perhaps joking, but he still holds this Authority in Edinburgh.
He was well known, but your average man on the street didn’t know him, he was VERY CLEVER, he let idiots do his work and make his money back 30/40/50 years ago. He never brought trouble to our home apart from the trouble he caused. Logic (I hate that word) should tell me to hate him, but He is happy and Mother is happy, so life and people have moved on. He showered me with love, I was his youngest Son, big thigns were expected from me and I left the family to chase my love for Dawn and my Football dream.
Had I been anyone else I would not have been allowed to walk away, this is the rule. He said at the time “You go take on the World” He said other things, he was almost hurt, but he didn’t want me to be him, as I was trying to be, so I think deep down he was happy I choose another path that didn’t lead to blood or jail.
I just need to tell the World about a man I love so much, I pine for in my life, I won’t see again, my Son’s know and miss him, my Daughter will know about him when they are older. He is 67 fit as a fiddle, still looks 50 year old, people call him Peter Pan, and in the Photo above you can see why. I am his double people say, but he is my Dad. I have to avoid people to this day because I am his son, but being his son gives me 24/7 protection in my daily life (Hard to explain and I won’t)
Patrick @ http://pifuk67.wordpress.com once posted this for his Dad, Patrick I hope I can post this, I know you won’t mind.
This is for you Dad “Auld Yin, Old One” as we call him 🙂
My love for you will never leave this body, you made me who I am by allowing me to move on, I am thankful for your advice and you allowing me to walk. And for being an amazing Gaga to my sons and for loving Dawn also. I miss you Dad…
Just one last things, 2 year ago, we all visited..
My Dad, he took me a 10 mile walk a few years back, nearly killed me!
I have been going to do this blog all weekend and decided to do it, Remeber this blog I did? http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/2013/07/04/why-do-people-have-to-be-hurtful/ I will explain why I did it here as I am more upset than angry, also very confused, I come here for many things, Sex is NOT one of the reasons , I am happily Married! ffs..
I got hit on by a Woman on Word Press. I blogged it here http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/2013/07/04/why-do-people-have-to-be-hurtful/ I got a lot of good advice I guess I was already aware about, so thank you, but I have ended up the BAD BASTARD for saying no. I am a happily married man with kids in a brilliant life with an amazing partner. This woman who I looked to as a BRILLIANT friend told me had feelings for me. I was taken aback. I said maybe we are soul mates (In Scotland my Dad could be my Soul mate) but in the sense as just good friends. So translation issues? Apart from that I kept saying “NO, ALL WE CAN BE IS FRIENDS” Had I been single there was still no chance anything happening, the woman lives 10,000 miles away or something.
I remember the night she told me had feelings for me and I said, and she will remember this “I will end up the Bastard here you know that” And I did. I did not lead her on; she knows I am happily married, so why hit on me? Who is at fault here?
Me for saying no because I am happily married?
She for hitting on me KNOWING I am with Dawn and the woman has a Husband and Kid
I got the most confusing message I had to delete a comment last night on a blog saying “Leave her alone” I was like “WHAT THE FUCK” I wasn’t touching her. I had been leaving replies on her blog; I even did a blog on her called “Friend/Bloggers to show her we still were friends. I gave her awards as I did before. As far as I was concerned we were friends. But the message from her friend said
Stop emailing her – I wasn’t
Stop replying to her blogs – I didn’t know I wasn’t to
Stop sending her Awards – Again I had no Idea I was not to
And bluntly and very rudely told “Leave her Alone”
Why is it the Man us ALWAYS THE BASTARD? Please, someone, anyone, tell me why…
I never asked to be hit on, I never asked for this woman to talk to me behind her Husband’s back. Dawn has seen all chat between us. My partner knows I trust her. I have all the conversations still on Facebook chat, but not on email, as I can’t remember an email happening.
I BLOG A LOT ABOUT DAWN, I LOVE HER AND MY KIDS FOR MANY REASONS, ONE IS TO SAY I AM NOT HERE FOR LOVE
I GET HIT ON BY A WOMAN 5,000 MILELS AWAY WHO IS MARRIED WITH A CHILD, WHO KNOWS I AM HAPPILY MARRIED
I SAY NO TO HER, I SAID “SORRY I CAN ONLY BE YOUR FRIEND” 100 TIMES AND YET I AM THE BASTARD
SHE THEN GETS HER FRIEND TO TELL ME TO LEAVE HER ALONE WHEN I DIDN’T KNOW SHE DISLIKED ME
I did not come here to find romance, I did not come here to cheat on Dawn, I did not come here to sit and speak to girls behind Dawns back. I speak to say 30 Woman on Skype Audio when Dawn is in the same room. Never an issue. I love some people on here, men and woman; this is why I do this
I AM FUCKING HURT HERE! I am the bad bastard and I done nothing wrong. Anyone who TRULY knows me will know I am a decent lad who comes here to share my story and my pain and also have fun and 100% MAKE FRIENDS. I NO!!!!!!!!!!!! At the start.
Please, someone, why am I the bad guy, when A FUCKING MARRIED WOMAN HITS ON ME AND I SAY NO? I am not angry; I am hurt and upset as this woman got her friend to tell me to leave her alone. I am now worried what other shit she has told or said.
Things like this will make me stop blogging, 100% I came here to escape worries and help people, be helped, have fun and just be a friend to men and woman, I am don’t get why the man is always the bastard.
If you are reading this, I am sorry, all you had to do was say “I don’t want to speak to you”
This is not fair, all this has done is make me thing twice about blogging if people are going to get hurt, me being one, I hate nobody, even now
The Event was Dawn. I was 12; she was 10 years old when we met. She saw the violence, she seen me commit acts of violence, but she stayed by me, She seen something in me that was better than the angry young lad I was, this was when we were 16/18 years old when we were already parents. We never planned to be parents, but we can’t regret this.
Dean and Ryan outside their room
We had Dean (21 years old now) And Ryan who is 19 years old. We were young parents and throughout all this I was in and out of jail for serious crime. I said a few times I missed Dean and Ryan growing up, and how I did not want to miss a second of Courtney and Chloe growing up here just earlier: http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/2013/06/25/5319/ I mean every word, I don’t want to miss a second this time round. Being in my late 30’s I believe in God and I am disabled badly with Chronic Pain Syndrome, I believe the pain I am in now is for the sins of my past, or the sins of my Father, but anyway.
Courtney and Chloe, just LOVE ’em
Dawn saved my life; we were friends for many years. Dawn was Posh, her family had money for the RIGHT REASONS, and I had money for the wrong reasons. So money was not her reason for wanting to change me. She seen something else, something I couldn’t and she didn’t give up, even though her Dad who is a nice guy I guess tried everything to pull his Daughter away from me. She kept seeing me; she sneaked out her house at 14 years old to see me. It was “Love at first sight” I remember I first seen her, and Dawn went on to do Magazine modelling, she just took my breath away, but it was her personality, the way she talked, her eyes, and more than captivated me. She thought my line was a chat up line. I said, after plucking up the courage for months, “I will spend the rest of my life with you” This is when we were say 13/15, And I knew I would, we still both go back to the exact spot I said it and just cuddle. I was going through Hell but it seemed like heaven looking back. I took a gamble one night, Dawn was going out with a lad, I kisser her DEEPLY in front of her boyfriend. I didn’t want to hurt the lad, I just wanted to make Dawn happy for life, we walked away with her boyfriend obviously unhappy and I said “I will be with you for the rest of my life” She smiled like it was some cheesy chat up line. Then I kissed her again, I remember it now, when I stopped kissing her, her eyes stayed closed for what seemed an eternity. She just said, “Don’t ever Hurt me” I replied “I wouldn’t know how to hurt you”
Dawn is my hero, my rock, my night my day, my light my dark, my reason and my reasoning, she is my thinking and my thoughts. The picture above is all she will allow me to post. It is a few years old, say 4/5 years old now, so I have to respect that. But it was just UTTER LOVE, I have only been in love once, I have never known another woman’s love. I have had sex with other woman before Dawn, but there was no love. Dawn was different, and she saved me. She just saved me. She stopped me being a criminal and helped turn me into love. She now cares for me every day with my pain. When I kiss her now It is like our first kiss, when I look into her eyes, it is like the first time I seen her, when we make love, it is like the first time. I try and explain we NEVER argue and nobody believes me, we don’t, we don’t even debate harshly, we are best friends to this day. We are friends first. She is a joy. And I am the luckiest man alive to have a woman who is just Amazing to me. She is courageous and brave for taking me; her Dad still doesn’t like me. I did an appalling thing last Christmas, I hit him. He hit me 4 times and I didn’t want to hit back, but the punch I gave him was 25 years in the making. He needs to understand I am a different guy now, I gave him 4 beautiful Grandkids and gave his daughter a life where she wants for nothing, and she is spoilt. She wants something, it’s hers, and there is no price I won’t pay for Dawn. You can’t buy love, but she has a brilliant life, she is happy. After I hit her Dad all the memories of me being a criminal came flooding back, I though “I have blown it here” But I walked in the house crying, she looked at me, cried and hugged me and said “It’s ok”
And things were ok, she spoke to get Dad and he said sorry for hitting me and all was ok. But I do regretted hitting him, He is an old man, but I am a disabled lad, when I get hit I don’t feel it as I am already in pain and on medication. Old Shaun appeared for a split second, but still, she understood, she didn’t hate me for it, I couldn’t and still don’t understand why. I mean I hit her Dad. She forgave me on the spot. And Dawn is the boss of this house, she has no need to ever fear me, after 30 years, she knows I would never harm her, not a hair on her head. I protect her. She gets hit on a lot when we are out, I just say “Fuck off” When the man/lad whoever realises who I am, 99.99% of the time, he will say sorry, only a handful of times, when we were younger did I have to throw a punch to protect her, but violence is not the answer. Neither Dawn or I drink any more or go up the town, we know it will just cause issues with both us getting hit on, so we leave it out. Besides in out mid/late 30’s, night clubs get boring. And I know all the owners, and we get offered VIP all the time, but nah, we are happy to keep it real. The life I led, I love home, but should Dawn want to go out with her friends, I worry she will get hit on, but I don’t worry about her trust. But she is free as a bird to fly and live. No Woman should be kept in a house like a prize. I go over this in my Guest blog dated at the top. A man should treat a woman with respect, always
I could go on and on and on, but Dawn saved me, and I like to think I gave her something no other man could. That will remain a secret between Dawn and me, but I give her things no other man can. I treat her like no other man can. I cry she likes this side of me. I am “Real” I am “Me” and from the age of 10 she seen this, and I think today she sees the same thing. A lost boy looking for something, because deep down I am still that lost boy, I am just in pain now. But I don’t let the pain come between us.
I love you sweetheart, thank you for everything, thank you for giving me sense, love, and tenderness and 4 kids. And you x
People say I share too much of my life and give too much away, but we are safe. This is what I still bring to the table here. Safety, I can protect them all, from anything. This is no brag or being all “Gangster” We are safe, I am not criminal any more, but I know many. They are friends, they know I would say fuck off if they asked me to be the old Shaun, so they don’t ask. Some are jealous of what I have, because they are just scum to be fair. But the safety I can offer my family is something else. Hard to explain. But it is there.
Sometimes I blog about pain and when I am down, and they are true, this page allows me to say what I feel and be true to myself. It is my corner of the world where I can just type what is on my mind without giving a shit who reads it. If my family read it (Hi By the way) so be it. This is my sanctuary now I am disabled with pain. But I guess my real sanctuary is in Dawns heart.
I always say a song, it’s with the Lyrics, this song says it all what Dawn did for me, the Lyrics are embedded in the song, I hope you get it, I kissed her in-front of her boyfriend to get her, “All is fair in love and War” 😉
A few people mentioned in the last few weeks how Word Press seems to have died down in terms of people blogging, people debating, engaging and just being Bloggers really
I took no notice, but I have noticed over the last few days less people are blogging. I decided to REALLY try harder to check people’s blogs and I noticed that tons of people have not blogged in days. People who would like a blog of mine I have not seen for a few days now. And they are not blogging either. I know it isn’t just me as a few people said the same thing and I never noticed as I really am hardly on Word Press, I blog and reply when I get an email, I spend about an hour a day if I can going over others blogs and people who blogged 2/3/4 times a day have not blogged for days.
Anyone else noticing this?
I have just watched World War Z so it may be me thinking you are all Zombies now, lol, but a 100% definite spike in Word Press usage. Easy to find if you know where to look I get roughly between 500/1000 views a day, sometimes more, sometimes less, the last few days it’s been about 500 a day
Just thought I would throw this out there in-case everyone has died, or I have died and this is Internet Hell
I did this after my blog below this got me thinking x
Once long ago in a different life I was an angry young man who had no conscience and didn’t care. The issue really was I didn’t like myself. See when someone is nasty or angry for no real reason, it means they are not happy inside. I have seen it and felt it inside myself and in others in real life
How do we become better people? How do we get to a stage in our life where we look to care and show love and humanity? Someone once told me “A leopard never changes its spots” meaning people don’t change. I think the person who told me this will never change. It matters not who told me this. All that matters is it was a saying I thought about for a long time
To be love, you first need to be loved, to care, you first must be cared for, I believe this light of love is in us all, but many have got lost, many have missed the path and walked into a new path. Sometimes it can take a HUGE event in our lives to change us, to make us better, to make us care, to make us show love, not in a false way, but in a true way, an effortless way, a way other people will see and just know you are acting or talking from your heart
For me the pain I am in brought me to love and caring, I had to go through a horrible event within my family also, but at the end of it all, I liked me, sorry, I am telling lies, I realised I had to like me, and slowly I am starting to like myself again. It is a slow process, but when we allow our very souls to be poisoned with hatred and anger, we give away a truly meaningful gift, a free gift, called love
Don’t deny yourself this free gift, embrace it, love it, see the light from it and care for people, because one day you may need cared for yourself. We live in moments, and in good moments, people with no pain, they may feel they will never be in pain and don’t have to show love or a caring nature. Trust me, that day will come to us all, where our true inner light and love escape and react to others pain and we care for them
This helped me, I hope I can help anyone else, even it is one person, then my words were worth it
prayingforoneday 