Sharing the Caring

 

 

Blog number 1,001 here, I wanted to make this blog number 1,000 and forgot, but the one after 1,000 is good enough

I arrived here around 8 months ago as you can see with the picture below, I was ill, my head wasn’t right, I wasn’t doing football, I was doing very little, I was an ill man, in the head and in my body

When it all started, I had no clue back then

I then started to blog about me, then slowly about others and then to other things, out of this world things, ANYTHING to take my mind away from the pain, I just had to write, be me good bad or indifferent I don’t care, never have, I just know writing helps me, Dawn knows that also, she misses me hugging her in bed more than I was, she misses me hugging her watching a movie as much as we used to, but we still do, just not as much

I have over 100 blogs and things I have wrote unpublished I just need to write, I need to open my mind to the possibilities of living and what comes with it, what makes us live, and also what brings my pain, I try and remain happy, smile, I do a lot of fun blogs, I do REALLY try my best to get to others blogs, it is so hard for me

So for my 1,0001th blog I need to say thank you for allowing me to share my caring side. I always had one, I just could never know where and when I could share it, I mean away from my own home. Here on Word Press you took me in, accepted me for what and who I am, I helped others when I could, I tried SO HARD to bring light to our darkness, and I hope I can sit here today an say I did, you be the judge.

One thing I have learnt, or taught myself is that sharing helps, caring helps, giving a shit really does help. I have always had this caring side, even when I was not allowed to have these feelings, we are going back to when I was a bad boy here, I didn’t want to be doing harm, I wanted to help, I went against my SOUL sometimes, my inner thoughts were being trashed by things I didn’t like myself for.

So just to sum up, Share the Care, it helps me, and I know it helps others

Here is to 2,000 blogs, and I pray when I hit 2,000 blogs my pain will be less

Share the care and give a shit, you will feel your heart open up, I know it, I seen it x

Shaun

Good questions worth asking , I think

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

11.

12.

13.

14.

15.

16.

17.

18.

19.

20.

21.

22.

23.

24.

25.

 

Some good questions here, what is your favourite, what question would you like to answer most?

What would you do in some of these circumstances? Let me know

Shaun

Today I am happy because….

I could easily do a blog called “Today I am depressed because….”

But no, I am done with that, I am finished with this thinking, well I am today anyway, I do feel upset, I do feel alone, I do feel annoyed, but I also feel I have to just man up or get used to the way my mind is and my life is, so the following is me writing against the grain, if you are unhappy, depressed, in agony, let it go and FIND HAPPY x

I am happy because my kids are happy

I am happy because Dawn is happy

I am happy because we are comfortable

I am happy my car passed its MOT last week

I am happy we gave Lisha, my dog a home (She is really happy)

I am happy I can write about this

I am happy the pain is killing me so much it forces me to share

I am happy that I am not unhappy

I am happy because I have taught myself to not give in

I am happy because I have a good family

I am happy because I have understanding friends

I am happy because on-line I have good people I relate to and with

I am happy because I am breathing

I am happy because I can go through to the Girls room and kiss them goodnight

I am happy because I know tomorrow will be ok

I am happy because I let yesterday go free

I am happy because right now, I am happy

I am happy I can send negative thoughts away

I am happy I can write this and you can read this

But more so, I am happy my Mum is getting Married early next year

I am Happy I was able to kiss my daughter who were asleep, and cry a little, I am glad I can do that and share it

I am happy I can share this song

So let’s debate pain

Pain arrives to us all, everyone, like a thief in the night right?

Pain arrives in many differing forms, from body pain to grieving pain, one thing is sure, it hurts badly whatever for you have it, with my pain I just let it hit me, I gave up trying to beat it so just allowed it in and accepted it, not everyone is able to do that, but over time we must, or bad things happen

But what about other pain, pain of losing a loved one for example, my Aunt died 2 months ago, few month before my Uncle, it brought pain in many ways, I won’t explain, but this kind of pain can make people say and do things they would not usually say or do

The pain of finding out someone has, say, Cancer in your family can hit hard, I remember when my brother was told he had six months to live, it hit me like a train, this was many years ago now, he is still alive, he is my hero, the way he refused to allow this to eat him and destroy him was just amazing and one day, God showed me what a miracle was, he woke up one morning and the cancer had gone, he was down to 6 stone in weight

My nephew is in one of Scotland’s toughest prisons doing a long time for accidental murder to his friend, a kid I knew who’s like my nephew took, the jury seen it was an accident, as did the judge, but the issue surrounding why it happened in the first place was the reason he got so long in prison, this brought pain I had never felt before, I was his favourite uncle, and I was always trying to get him to change his path as I knew he would be killed or jailed, in the end, he lived, a friend died, so that was  pain

Another pain is watching your kids grow up and not being able to join in as normal Dads do, I can’t give my kids horseback rides or throw them in the air, and that brings pain and guilt, but I am here, we draw, do painting and puzzles, but this is a form of pain yeah? It is for me because of my pain

For me another pain is watching people you love suffer, my Mum suffers pain of her body and pain due to me, I don’t mean it, I remind her of my Dad perhaps, she scars are still there from the Childhood I had and the memories we both had to go through, if you have not read, please, feel free, this is my story, more pain http://deliberatedonkey.wordpress.com/2013/07/02/murder-and-more-through-the-eyes-of-a-child/ people think I am a nice guy, and I am, but this was not always the case, once not so long ago I seen pain every day, I can’t go into detail, but this causes me pain now, pain is a cycle, one pain can bring on another pain, the circle of life they say

What pain have you had to take? What pain do you live with? Please, share, let it out, it will do you no good keeping it locked up, so please, use this blog to share, if we do, this may happen

More love less hate

Shaun x

I love you, words easily said

 

Eight letter three words one meaning, I love you, words that have been uttered or spoken or wrote about for centuries, what do they mean, how can we use logic to determine if they are real

I hear it a lot from Dawn and my 2 daughters but “I love you, Daddy” are words that just pierce the heart and make me want to cry, should or could 3 year old and 4 year old girls really know what love it, or is it just a saying they know means something

When a loved one says it, it means something, but it gets said either a lot or not enough, simple words “I love you” When I speak to my Mum or my Dad at the end of the call or a visit, whatever, I say “I love you” and I mean it of course, but how many times in life have we been in a position to say this and not said it only to regretted it later?

I say it often and whenever I can, they are easy to say, try it “I love you” Many couples I know live together and almost hate each other, these words are uttered only on valentine’s day, so who says Valentine’s day can’t be every day

I liken in to Christmas, the weeks leading up to Christmas people are nice, they hold doors open for you, help you if you drop something, people are just nice, the spirit of Christmas I believe it is called, so who says that spirit, that essence of caring can’t be used the whole year round?

Like valentine’s day, we shower our loved one with presents, chocolates and flowers, we have been tricked by a world that wants money into ONLY showing love on that day, what if we decided everyday was a day of love, every day was a day we helped others, WOW, what a world we would have

Being a person or a people who care and love and show love and say “I love you” all year round, not just on 2 days or times of the year, I think, sorry, I hope this could happen, I wish it could be a universal thing, something that comes natural all the year round  in all the years for all of time

I love you, Eight letter three words one meaning, what a wonderful world we would have, who wouldn’t want to be part of that world, where “days we must spend money” are days we show love, show it every day, help people every day. This world is defined and run by us the people, so we should set the rules, why do we only show these feelings at special times? I guess this needs discussion

I love you

Eight Letters

We became the parade on the streets that we once cleaned,
Expendable soldiers smiling at anything
Raised on a feeling our lives will have meaning eventually

We were once the answer and then you discover
Your actually just one thing after another and
What was the question and why was the lesson so deafening.

This all that matters now
And that was all that happened anyhow
You can look back but don’t stare
Maybe I can love you out of there
And when I went away what I forgot to say was
All I have to say eight letter three words one meaning

And outside forces didn’t make it easy so I thought I’d go before you leave me
Self preservation was no explanation for anything
Oh but the truth is more than we’ll ever comprehend I’ve just started to understand my friend all of that distance cause I fell in love with the enemy

This all that matters now
And that was all that happened anyhow
You can look back but don’t stare
Maybe I can love you out of there
And when I went away what I forgot to say was all I had to say eight letter three words one meaning
At last we meet on no man’s land just footprints in the sand
We meet on no man’s land at last
And when I went away what I forgot to say was all I had to say 8 letters 3 words one meaning
One meaning, just one meaning, one meaning.

Birthday Pictures – Chloe getting her presents, 3 today!

OK! Show us the Toys..

All Mine Dad?

Big Sister gets in on the act, the “Birthday Fairy” left her a toy, well pleased she was..

WOW DAD! Jake and people!

I only hope this doesn’t happen for another 25 years for real..She was pleased however

Mr Tumble (UK Guy) Her favourite, as you can see

Big Sister Courtney seen the camera, just HAD to be in on the act

I said I cry, I did here, define the word “Cute” and this comes close. So innocent, so loving, so…Well you know.

Dad, stop telling me how to stand, it’s Mr Tumbles Magic Bag!!

 

Well a few pictures shared, she got a ton more, but not too much. Some money to spend when we go to the shop later. Courtney grabbed her, kissed her and said “Happy Birthday Chloe, I love you” ..My heart MELTED. I missed the picture, but the moment is in my mind forever. I say I love moments a lot, and this is one. She won’t be 3 again. Our kids don’t stay kids forever. So we love them, we make sure they stay kids for as long as possible, and  Daddy’s Princess’s has a good morning. As I sit and type this, they are fighting over a box a toy was in…

…I wouldn’t have it any other way, and I know all you other parents out there wouldn’t either.

Just sharing the caring here x

More love, Less hate

Shaun

ps: I got a Card and a letter from my nephew, their cousin who they have never met as he is in Prison, he did his crime, now he is doing his time. He said in his letter to me  “I am Sorry uncle Shaun, I wish I could be there to see them grow up” I cried. He is a good kid, he just got mixed up and took the wrong path. But to send a card on every Birthday both the girls have had is good of him. He is having a tough time, but he has to be in prison, he knows it and is happy with being there. I only wish he could have seen his Princess’s grow up as he got Jail when Dawn was just about to give  birth to my oldest Daughter. He sends his love often from Prison. He will be 30 when he gets out, when he gets out, he can make up for lost time. One mistake and BANG my Brother or Sisters (Don’t want to say) kid is gone from us all, the family miss him every day. So days like today, we are happy to have loved ones here and think of the ones who are not. We all make mistakes, But today is about Chloe, she will read this one day..

I love you kido, Daddy x

http://www.momentmatters.com/awards/ Thank you for helping us share moments more

Hey World, I cry a lot

 

In a world where the Man is supposed to be the strong provider, the warrior, the bread winner, you know where I am going here, you know “Man the Warrior” I am that man, same as many, I protect when things need protected, but sometimes I cry for no reason, or because of my kids or a song, I just cry, and in Scotland, you have to hide it, you “MUST” be strong, so I say “Fuck off” to that unwritten law, I don’t care what people think. Everyone knows not to annoy me, so I have this “Can’t show weakness bullshit” I need to carry and I am sick of it, so here, I am telling the world tonight, I cry

I just watched the video below, in-fact I watched both videos I done for my Daughters and I was in BITS, blowing my nose, snot flying everywhere, hoping someone wouldn’t walk into the room

One day not long ago I used to wonder what was wrong with me, was I all right in the head, but as you grow older you realise you are just a person who is realising the world around him. Having two Daughters I think pushed me over the edge in terms of crying. If I have been in bed all day due to pain, I will get up and go kiss them goodnight, then cry hard because it was another day missed. When I don’t see my sons for day on end due to my pain, I cry

My Dad who fosters kids now, he is my “Phone call” and God bless him he puts up with his Son crying like a child, but to his credit he is my best pal also and he told me just the other day “Crying means you realise what is important, I did it for a while” and at that point I kind of realised what he meant. My Dad was a nasty bastard, but not now, he tells me the story of the day he “Found himself” literally found himself and he cried for a year or two, because everything he had was gone, wife the lot. But like me he is strong through the tears and he built a new life with new ways

I am crying now, I was standing as Dawn was putting Chloe’s Birthday presents out and I just walking into the kitchen and cried, I know I am not weak, far from it. See these tears tell me I would die for them all, the 5 people in my home, my Mum, my brothers and sisters. I care; this is where the tears come from. I was told once they were guilt tears, but I don’t carry guilt.

So if you need to cry, let it out, there is nothing wrong with crying

More love, less hate

Shaun

The song below is a song that makes my Dad cry all the time, and the more I hear it,  I cry also, them big Shaun eyes get started

 

A video of kindness that made me Cry

I know someone posted this before, but this video gets me every time. The kindness and love shown by the dog SHOULD teach us all a lesson in Humility and Humanity and how to love and care and show affection. A little boy who has Down syndrome and a Dog who is showing what caring and Love is all about… Man, this gets me crying every time.. As it says, God doesn’t make mistakes x

Thank you to Andrea MYSPOKENHEART as she posted something similar on another social network site that made this pop up.. It is something. You all know I cry like a baby at these things, and I am right now. That is how the world should be, how we should all feel.. x

 

And, it all starts over again….

The world keeps turning, the wheels of life keep revolving, another weekend has come and gone, and here we are, a new week, welcome to Monday

In life I feel it goes past too quick, I had been expecting my Mum yesterday and looked forward to seeing her since last Wednesday or so, and that moment is gone, and a “Restart” happened, a new day, a new week

So I wonder what surprises this week will bring. Last week my Son got his heart broken and my Mum came to visit. Two events out of many last week, well I am 40 tomorrow, the 2^nd, and my Guest blog appears here tomorrow http://deliberatedonkey.wordpress.com/

To say I am nervous about this blog to be posted on my Birthday is an understatement. How will people react, what will people think, will people look at me different. I hope not, as there is a happy ending, and the bad bits were through my eyes when I was, I think 8 years old or 10 years old. The ending is a good one, made me who I am today

So this week, I have my Birthday tomorrow, I will be seeing a lot of family and the guest blog on my LIFE as a child being posted on Mel’s blog tomorrow at 8am Eastern time in the USA. I also wonder what other surprised this week will bring. With the football in pre-season there is not even any football on TV and it sucks. Love my football I do, when it isn’t on, I pine lol

Maybe I will get a day or two with no pain and we can go some stuff with the kids? Today it actually looks like it may be a good day, when I awoke at 05:15am, it was overcast, now at 06:45 a full blue sky. The Sun is behind my house as I am in a different part of the house, I could move and let the Sun and heat in, but with this leg cast on, all metal with dials and digits and more, it is kind of hard to move around.

As my blog says “Praying for one day” All I ask, one day with no pain, but I won’t get upset if that does not happen, I am used to it. I have not had to take pain killers yet, and that is a good thing, usually it is the 1^st thing I have to do, since I awoke I have been in  pain, but it is ok, I am dealing with it. I like to be fully woken up sometimes and “Feel” not take a handful of tablets then feel sleepy again.

So, to one and all, I hope the new week brings you good things, and I am happy today I had a chance to “Feel” for a few hours on this bright Monday morning. It does not happen much. So I will take it, so here we go, another week, no fear, just hope and love

Have a good week everyone, and keep sharing your life with us, keep on keeping on, I will leave you with a song not everyone will like, but as always, the lyrics are the main thing, a few swear words are there, but the meaning is one of hope, one of no fear, one of “Keeping on Keeping on” Just live, take chances and smile and be brave. I will be…. x

And remember what happened yesterday made you who you are today, we had to go some place to get to this place, some are still there, this song is for you

More love, less hate

Shaun x

 

 

 

 

Monday night funny picture Blog

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Daughter!! ^^